


Critical

by SlayerEnfiniti



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: AU, Levi In A Suit, M/M, Mention of underage drinking, Restaurants, blood drawing, brief needle, there should be a warning for that
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-08-16
Updated: 2014-02-21
Packaged: 2017-12-23 15:25:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 34,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/928095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SlayerEnfiniti/pseuds/SlayerEnfiniti
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alternate Universe - Levi moonlights as a sharp-tongued food critic, Eren is an aspiring chef. Shenanigans.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Levi trudged down the busy street, wearily tugging at his cravat. Bureaucrat jobs were a pain in the ass, especially when they required suits, but at least this one paid well. Plus, assisting someone else who dealt with idiots was much less taxing than dealing with idiots himself. He only left the office in a bad mood a couple nights a week now instead of every day.

Luckily he'd found a way to cheer himself up on nights like this.

As he approached his target area for the night, he craned his head around, looking for a suitable target. Ah, there was one. His polished black shoes scuffed over the threshold of the likely-looking restaurant, and Levi took in his surroundings.

The restaurant was cozily tight, edging toward cramped. There were plenty of lights, but the bulbs had a yellowish tint Levi found unappealing. Other patrons conversed in low murmurs, and the scents of garlic and basil wafted pleasantly through the air. Levi inhaled deeply, finding the additional scents of baking bread and... cleaning supplies?

"Can I help you?" Levi's attention snapped to the dark-haired hostess. She had an Asian cast to her features, and was dressed sharply in a simple black dress.

"Sure. You got food here?" Open mouth, insert snark. Levi couldn't help it. The hostess blinked, but other than that her expression was as stoic as his own.

"Welcome to Zhiganshina. We do have food. One?" Levi nodded, shrugging out of his suit jacket. It was a little warm, he noted. The hostess beckoned him past a blond youth busy with a mop (Ah, he thought, that's where the cleaning smell came from) to a stool at the bar.

"I'd prefer a table, if you would." He kept his voice civil, and with a tipped head she redirected him to a nearby table. He sat on the wooden chair, noting that it was well-molded and easy on the rear, then took a menu from her. "Thank you."

The hostess - Her nametag said Mikasa - nodded and retreated to the front. Sighing, Levi reached into his pocket and pulled out a small notebook and a pen. It began.

He flipped to the first fresh page. 'Zhiganshina,' he wrote across the top. 'Ethnic delights and home comfort.' Levi couldn't help but snort at that. Airy, useless words. He started making bullet points down the side.

⦁ Cramped space, barely enough room for even my legs  
⦁ Horrible yellow lights  
⦁ Mute hostesses  
⦁ Hot room

Levi smirked. Not bad for not even having ordered yet. He didn't bother to open the menu.

"Welcome! My name's Armin, I'll be taking care of you today." Levi looked up to see the blond from a moment ago looking down at him with a friendly smile. The blond's hair was pulled back into two tiny ponytails, his apron wrinkle-free and professional-looking. "Something to drink to start?"

Levi handed the boy his menu. "Tea. I don't care what type. And a bowl of your goulash." Anything European had decent odds of having goulash. Armin looked a little taken aback by the suddenness of Levi's order, but took the menu and made a little scribble on his pad. 

"Sure thing, coming right up!" He walked toward the kitchen. Levi sat back and stared around him, taking in all the little knickknacks and wall hangings that were supposed to add to the 'European' feel. Why did they feel the need to clutter up the space with useless objects? They were too hard to clean, all they did was gather dust. Levi reached out and ran a finger lightly across the top of a picture frame hanging above his table.

His finger came back clean.

Levi frowned. That was unusual. He picked up his pen again and hovered over his notes.

⦁ Weird things cluttering the space  
⦁ Barely-legal serving boys

His frown deepened. Usually he had a whole page by now. But the table setting in front of him was tidy, the eating utensils gleaming in the yellow light. He pocketed his notebook.

He leaned back, tilting his head up. He was such a mess. Levi always had to make others feel bad to make himself feel good. Twice or three times a week, he ate dinner at a restaurant he'd never been to, taking notes as he did. The next day, a column appeared in the newspaper from the famous food critic known simply as "The Captain." It would rip apart the restaurant, criticizing everything from their decor to their food to their staff, every bit of it completely true. And since no one knew what The Captain looked like, there was no warning. Levi preferred it that way. He didn't want to give the businesses a chance to suck up to him. Theories abounded over him, everything from 'he's seven feet tall and eats live chickens for breakfast' (Levi kind of liked that one) to 'they're actually a set of fraternal sextuplets'. Both completely ridiculous, of course. He just blended in well. He took care not to go into shops where his business clothes would stand out, and most people saw the suit instead of the face anyway.

"Here you go, sir." Levi pulled himself upright as the waiter set a saucer and full cup in front of him. Levi raised an eyebrow at the already-strained tea. "Assam for you. Would you like any milk or sweetener?" Levi shook his head. "Alright. Your food should be up any moment."

As the waiter left, Levi looked down at his cup and had to smile. The kid had pegged him well, he liked his tea black and Assam was the natural choice for black tea. He was smart, that one. Levi took a careful sip. Thick and rich, brewed just a hair longer than standard. First flush, definitely, but a good one none the less.

Levi looked down at his saucer and his smile fled. A small smear of sauce marred the edge of the dish. He growled and fished out his notebook again.

"Here you are!" Armin was back, this time with a bowl of steaming soup. He set it on the table and turned to go, but Levi called out to him.

"Hey, kid." Armin turned back, smiling. Levi's frown deepened. "Take a look at this saucer."

Armin bent closer and saw the dark smear along the side. "Oh! Now how did that get gravy on it?" He grinned at Levi, but Levi's glare made it slide off his face. "I'll get you another one, right away!" He took the offending dish, setting the cup on a napkin and then racing away.

"Tch." Levi's bad mood was back in full force. Sloppy, sloppy. He turned his attention to the goulash and sniffed experimentally. Paprika and garlic were the main herbs, he could tell, along with several others. He pulled the bowl closer and dipped in a spoon, fishing out a piece of meat. The beef was cut into large chunks, and the broth was smooth and a little thicker than Levi was used to for goulash. He sipped. The stew had been seasoned with a heavy hand, the paprika was strong enough to make his eyes water, but overall it tasted good.

Armin returned, fresh saucer in hand. "Sorry about that, sir. Here's a clean one for you." Levi lifted his cup, and the saucer was slid underneath. "How's the stew?"

Levi tsked. "Strong. Someone dumped the paprika bottle in here. This place is sloppy on the food AND the dishes." Armin flushed and started stammering apologies, but Levi waved a hand. "It's edible. Now leave me alone." Confused, the waiter did as told and backed off. He threw one more look over his shoulder as he left, but Levi kept his eyes on his spoon. He watched out of his peripheral vision as the boy went back to talk to the chef. Good. That was a step in the right direction, at least.

Levi fished out another potato. They were the perfect tenderness, and had steeped in the broth long enough to soak up plenty of the flavor. He took a sip of his tea and continued eating.

................................................

Armin ran back to the kitchen. He knew his face was red, his emotions always showed on his face. Eren met him at the door. 

"Arm-What's wrong?" Armin stifled a chuckle. He really was too readable. "Did someone say something?"

"It-It's nothing. Um, could you have Carla check the goulash? The spices might be a little off." Eren frowned.

"Someone did say something."

"It's fine." Armin took a deep breath. "I just got one of the really intimidating people. He was all crabby about there being a tiny smudge of gravy on his tea saucer, and now he says the stew's got too much spice."

Eren sighed in exasperation. "Some people always have to find something wrong. I'll tell her. Don't let it get to you, okay? It's not your fault. Meanwhile, I'll find a way to cheer up Mr. or Mrs. Grumpy." He turned and headed back into the kitchen.

Armin peeked cautiously around the corner. The man was taking notes again, scribbling in his notebook like- Armin gasped. "Eren! Eren, wait! Come back, I've got an idea!"


	2. Chapter 2

Levi sat back from the empty dish with a sigh. The goulash had left a pleasant warmth in his belly, overspiced or not, and now he just had to wait for the check.

"Um, sir?" Armin approached him timidly, a small, covered dish in his hands. The waiter took his goulash bowl and replaced it with the new dish. "Complementary. For, uh, the mixup earlier." He beat a hasty retreat, not waiting for a response.

Levi raised an eyebrow. This was different. Nice touch, that.

He lifted the lid and saw a piled knot of noodles. No, not noodles, he corrected himself. Spaetzle. He inhaled, and the crisp scent of apples reached him. He dug in and lifted the first bite to his mouth.

Wonderful.

Buttery crumbs graced the top of tart apple spaetzle. They were a little roughly cut, not uniform like machine-made noodles would be, and Levi's interest piqued when he realized they had been hand-cut. It was perfectly soft, with a little crunch from the topping.

It was the best thing he'd eaten in years.

Levi had to hold himself back from scarfing the whole thing down. Food like this shouldn't be rushed, but damn it was hard to pace himself. His mind whirled. This couldn't be from the same chef that messed up the goulash. It just couldn't. Levi had good instincts on these things, and every fiber of his being said this was a different chef. Why had they been hiding this gem? How had they missed the earlier slipup? Too many unanswered questions, Levi hated guessing.

Pacing himself or not, the spaetzle was gone far too fast. Levi stared at the empty dish for a moment, licking his lips.

"How was it?" Levi glanced guiltily up at Armin, caught trying to decide on whether or not to lick the bowl.

"It was... not bad..." Armin's relieved smile lit the boy up better than his service smile had earlier.

"Oh, good! Eren'll be glad to hear that!" Levi logged the name in his memory and tapped the dish.

"The chef?" Armin turned red.

"Well, um, sort of. I mean, ah, yes! He made it!"

Levi smirked and said a phrase he hadn't since... he couldn't remember when. "My compliments to the chef." Armin turned redder and stammered something nondescript. Levi reached into his pocket and fished a twenty out of his wallet. He set it at the edge of the plate and stood. "Keep the change." Armin made a little squeaky sound as Levi grabbed his jacket and walked out the door.

...................................

Levi reached his flat a short time later. He carefully stripped his suit off and inspected it for stains. He found a small dark spot on his shirt and sighed, tossing it in the laundry basket. If only he had time to change before getting food. But if he had time to change, he'd have time to cook. You just couldn't win. He fished his notebook out and opened his laptop, sitting on his bed.

He opened a word processing program and stared at the screen for a moment. He hovered his fingers over the keys, looking down at his notes. Levi sighed.

'Zhiganshina,' he started.

Pause.

He sighed again.

Levi ripped the page out of his notes, crumpled it up, and tossed it in the wastebasket. He closed the program and closed his eyes.

A moment later, he opened up his email.

 

To: Hange  
Subject: Can you do some digging for me?  
..........  
See title.

To: Levi  
Re: Can you do some digging for me?  
..........  
Let me get my shovel. Ahaha. Great to hear from you. Ready to wreck someone else?

To: Hange  
Re: Re: Can you do some digging for me?  
..........  
No.

To: Levi  
Re: Re: Re: Can you do some digging for me?  
..........  
Whaaaaat? Why are you digging if you're not dishing dirt?

 

Levi groaned, leaning against the wall. He should have known she wouldn't just do it. Snoopy woman. Then again, that was the only reason she was any use. He took a couple deep breaths before writing his reply.

 

To: Hange  
Re: Re: Re: Re: Can you do some digging for me?  
..........  
Call it curiosity. Will you help me or not?

 

She took a long time to respond. Levi swore as he poured himself a glass of water, pacing back and forth. It wasn't like him to get this worked up. He shouldn't be this worked up. He was calm. Like hell he was.

 

To: Levi  
Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Can you do some digging for me?  
..........  
I am so in. But you have to explain after, k?

To: Hange  
Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Can you do some digging for me?  
..........  
Fine, whatever. Erin or Eren or Ehren, works at Zhiganshina downtown. May not work officially, FYI. Kitchen staff at least, chef at best.

To: Levi  
Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Can you do some digging for me?  
..........  
Imma work my magic, hon. I'll get back to you.

To: Hange  
Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Can you do some digging for me?  
..........  
Good. The Re:'s are longer than the title now.

To: Levi  
Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Can you do some digging for me?  
..........  
Are not! Well, now they are. Good night!

 

He shut his laptop down and set it aside, flicking the light switch on the way back. His bed sank and bounced as he flopped down on his pillow.

His last conscious thought before sleep was, 'I wonder if he works tomorrow?'

Levi fell asleep with a smile on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kind of a short chapter, but oh well. :)


	3. Chapter 3

The next day at the office was a busy one - Levi didn't get a single moment of peace until lunch. With a groan, he sat on the break room couch and stretched out his legs.

"Sorry about that." Levi tilted his head, acknowledging Erwin. "Sometimes your ruthless reputation does too much good to pass up."

"Tch. We're not supposed to be running a mafia here."

Erwin laughed at that, walking over and sitting next to Levi on the couch. The couch bounced and tilted under the larger man's frame. "True. But intimidated people are more likely to agree with you, and through you, me."

Levi didn't dignify that with a response, instead closing his eyes and feigning sleep.

"Did something happen last night?" His eyes snapped open.

"Why d'you think that?"

Erwin unwrapped his sandwich from plastic wrap and took a big bite. Levi wrinkled his nose as Erwin chewed. "I know you, Levi. I also make it a habit to read the paper. You think I wouldn't notice that every time you go home in a bad mood, a scathing food review gets posted? Generally of a place between here and your flat, or at least not too far away. High class enough places that a suit wouldn't start tongues wagging. You're so ridiculously hard to please in cleaning and cuisine, it wasn't difficult to make the connection... Captain."

Levi grunted. "Fine, fine, I'm the Captain. Whatever. What does that have to do with last night?"

"You were furious yesterday. Went home in a huff. But come morning, there's nothing in the paper?" Erwin raised one of those thick eyebrows. "That's noteworthy."

Levi looked away. "Missed the deadline. You kept me hopping until late, I didn't have time to write a review."

Erwin just looked at him.

Levi stared out the window.

Erwin took another bite of his sandwich.

"Those things are shit, you know. The bread tastes like plastic and gets all weird. Plus a lot of times the sandwich gets mashed or dented, you should at least get a sandwich box to put them in."

"I don't care. Food's food." Levi snorted.

"You are a terrible, terrible person. People like you are the reason stores sell pre-sliced cheese."

Erwin choked (good for him, Levi thought savagely) on another bite of sandwich. "The cheese on this is pre-sliced. Saves time."

Levi groaned and hauled himself to his feet. "Freak. I can't even stand to be near you now."

"So sit." Erwin replied cheerfully.

Levi shot a glare over his shoulder as he left the room. Evening couldn't come soon enough.

.....................................................................

Eren shoved his bookbag into the locker and dashed to the apron rack, yanking on the first one he found.

"Eren! There you are! You're late!" One of the dishwashers called.

"Tell me something I don't know!" He yelled back.

"August used to be called Sextilis!" Called a different voice. Eren inhaled his own saliva and had a violent coughing fit.

"DAMMIT JEAN ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME?"

"Yes!" Came the aggravatingly predictable reply. "Now get your ass up here, we're way behind!"

Muttering unkind things under his breath, Eren washed quickly and wove his way into the kitchen, edging past piles of dirty dishes and dodging servers and cooks at work. It was five o'clock, dinner rush already underway, and Eren was needed. He reached for an order sheet, but was yanked viciously back by the ear.

"OW!" Carla tugged him away from the order list, back toward Jean and Marco.

"No. Absolutely not. You're still on punishment duty, and after coming in a half-hour late, you'll be there a while longer!" She shoved him toward the line of sinks, putting the considerable force of her body behind the shove. Eren staggered, but stood his ground the best he could.

"You need me! To hell with punishment, you need my help!" Carla gave him a stern glare, something he greatly preferred over her ear-pulling habit.

"Not going to happen, Eren. Now wash like a good boy, we need more clean dishes, too." She rushed back to the hot plate.

Furious, Eren snatched a rag and started pre-scrubbing dishes with single-minded intensity. "Stupid punishment duty, why the frick do I have to work next to him?" He shot a glance at the mild-mannered Marco next to him. "Ah, not you, Marco. You're actually a decent human being."

On the other side of Marco, Jean made a funny noise. "So Eren, how much are all those cooking classes helping you now? Did you take a 'How to Scrub 101'?" Eren turned, so mad his vision got hazy.

"I swear, you insufferable little-" Marco placed a gentle, soapy hand on Eren's arm.

"Don't mind Jean, he got yelled at coming in, too. Traffic around here's getting so bad, it's almost faster to come by foot."

Eren snorted. "Well, if they wouldn't tear up half the road, people could actually get to places." He handed his dish to Marco and grabbed another.

As much as he hated to admit it, dishwashing relaxed Eren. The never-ending pile of pots and plates and forks and cups served as great ways to vent himself on the indignity of life. He even managed to ignore most of Jean's snarky comments.

They'd been at it almost an hour when Marco spoke to Eren. "So how did yesterday go with your..."

Eren sighed. "My 'ill-conceived, totally not-on-the-menu, untried concoction'?" He mimicked Carla's scolding tone with the ease of long familiarity. "I guess it went good, Armin said the guy didn't hate it. Left Armin quite the tip, too. I don't get why I'm being punished for that, I made a customer happy. Isn't that what the whole goal is?"

Marco smiled sadly. "Sort of. You're just a little-"

"Pig-headed." Jean interjected.

"Willful." Marco finished, looking warningly at Jean. "You know she hates it when you do things behind her back, and that's like the third time this month."

Eren sighed. "I can't help it. I just... I don't want to just trot obediently at her heels like a trained poodle. I wanna do stuff, you know?"

Marco nodded, handing his pan off to Jean. "It wouldn't have been so bad if you hadn't been already on punishment for the gnocchi fiasco." Jean snickered.

Eren turned a little red. "Shut it Jean, like you wouldn't have-"

"Eren!" A choked whisper from the side. Eren looked quickly at Marco, who nodded. Eren wiped most of the bubbles off his hands and let the cup fall back in the sink. He trotted over to the entrance to the serving area, where Armin stood, white-faced.

"Armin, what's the matter?"

Armin swallowed audibly. "He's here."

"Who?"

"The guy from yesterday. The one you kind-of-sort-of broke the rules for."

Eren frowned. "Isn't that a good thing? Maybe I made him a regular."

Armin clutched at the sides of his apron, taking deep breaths. "Um. Well. Yes. That's the problem. He won't order anything off the menu. Wants you to make him something special. 'Surprise me', he said. 'But it has to be the same chef. I'll be able to tell.' Eren, what do I do?!"

Eren's mouth went dry. A special request for him. Any other time, that would have totally thrilled him, but with him being banned to dish duty... "Armin, the only thing I can make for him is a plate of bubbles!"

"I know, I know, but Eren I've got this really bad feeling that he's not someone we should be offending and if he wants you-"

"What's going on here?" Eren flinched as Carla walked over.

"Just, just talking, Mom."

She frowned at him. "Armin's not carrying any dishes. You have no reason to be meeting up. Save it for your breaks." She turned to walk away.

"Actually-" Armin's voice broke, and Eren gestured frantically for him to shut up, "Actually, we've got a bit of a situation, Ma'am."

Her face darkened. "Do tell. Eren, get back to the dishes."

"Um, well, it kind of involves me..."

.....................................................................

Levi swirled his brandy snifter. How long was the kid going to take? He'd lucked out getting the same server, and when he'd asked if the cook from last night was there the answer had been yes, but... it had all gone south from there. He could see the edge of the waiter's body from where he stood, and he appeared to be arguing with someone in the kitchen. Arguing adamantly, if the hand-waving was any indication.

Not exactly the ideal outcome. No, it was too soon to judge. Maybe they were just trying to decide on a dish. Maybe they'd-Maybe a rather imposing woman in an apron would head straight toward him, waiter boy trailing behind.

"Sir." Her voice was low, with a hint of an accent. He inclined his head toward her. Her apron was covered in stains, he noted with disgust. Couldn't they afford bleach here? "I understand there was a mixup yesterday. I apologize."

Levi raised an eyebrow. "That's not generally the sort of thing that demands an apology. I found my last dish entirely satisfactory, and I wish to have the same chef make me something else. He or she is here, yes?" The woman could deny it, it gave her an easy out.

She sighed. "Truthfully, sir, he is. However, he's not a cook."

Ah, Levi thought. That made things more difficult. Points for honesty, though, since the waiter - Armin - had already told him the first part. "Obviously he knew what he was doing."

"He did it without permission. I will not allow it to happen again."

"My dear madam, I don't care if he's a dancing bear, I just want to eat his food again. Or are you not interested in serving your customers what they want? Is force-feeding cookie cutter meals the new hauté cuisine?"

That got to her, he could see the flash of anger in her eyes. "I am head chef here, and f I say the boy won't cook, he won't."

Levi set his snifter down carefully before turning the full force of his glare on the woman. "If I cannot eat what I desire, I will leave. That would be a bad thing." The woman seemed unfazed, but Armin's eyes widened and he tugged desperately on her arm.

"Oh? And why would that be bad, good sir? If you're not interested in what we have to offer, you should leave. Why is it so important that I let you upset my kitchen?"

Levi frowned at Armin. "Leave us for a moment, please." Amazingly enough, he nodded and walked willingly back toward the kitchen. Levi never stopped being surprised at how many people could get pushed around with nothing but a firm voice. Others took a little more convincing.

Levi stood and leaned over to the woman until he could whisper in her ear. All it took was one sentence. She jerked back and stared at him like he was a venomous snake. 

Levi took his seat again, lifting his drink. "So you see, when I say I want what I want..." She didn't like it, he could tell, she sized him up again and again, as if expecting the words to be tattooed on his forehead. Finally, she bustled back over to the kitchen. Levi smirked. He had a feeling he'd be getting some decent food now.

...........................................................

Eren stared gloomily down at the saucepan, wondering if his mystery guest was going to be happy without Eren's cooking. He heard Marco gasp at the same time his ear was pinched.

"Agh, what now? I'm cleaning!" Carla leaned down until her lips were near his ear.

"Do. Not. Mess. This. Up." She growled. "I don't care what you make, but if you mess this up, so help me-"

"Wait, what?" She jerked him back and the saucepan fell back into the sink with a loud clunk.

"Cook. Now. Don't waste time with something fancy." Eren's mouth fell open. "Don't think you're done with punishment. But just this once... special circumstances..." She sighed. "Just do it, okay?"

Eren rushed to the sink and rinsed off his hands. A grin was forming on his face, he fought it down while his mother was watching but it kept coming back. He froze for a minute, thinking fast, before jumping into action.

Anybody who could push his mother around was alright by him.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi gets the lowdown. YAY STUFF. Not very much of Eren this chapter, but we'll get there.

Levi tapped his fingers on the table, anxiousness leaking through. Had he done enough? Had he gone too far? It was stupid of him to sacrifice his anonymity because of one dish of spaetzle. But his instincts said this was important. 

Where was his food? This was taking too long. He hoped that woman wasn't trying to fake a dish.

"Sorry for the wait!" Armin smiled cheerily as he set a potholder and sizzling skillet in front of Levi. "Watch the edges, it's hot."

The heady aroma of sausage made Levi lick his lips. The skillet held a kielbasa and potato mixture, sprinkled throughout with bright bits of red and yellow peppers. The whole dish was topped off with cheese. Levi scrambled for his fork, not even noticing Armin retreat.

Pepper and spice graced the crisp skin of the bite-sized potatoes, and the sausage pieces bursted with flavor. The sharp cheddar over the top oozed under and around the chunks, a mellow counterpoint to the oregano and garlic.

As he ate, Levi thought. This cook, this Eren. He had so much potential. And yet he lived under the rule of someone else, not even head of his own place. Did he have no ambition at all? No. Levi refused to believe that. Eren would be an artist, one who wouldn't stop until he'd found his masterpiece. He took another giant bite of cheesy potato.

"Sir?" The waiter boy was back. "Um. How's the food?" Levi, caught with his mouth full, nodded dumbly. Armin smiled, nervously smoothing down his apron. "That's good."

Levi swallowed thickly, a little too late. "It's fine." Better than fine, but Levi didn't believe in overpraising. He took another bite, ignoring Armin. But the boy didn't leave. Levi chewed slowly and swallowed. "Can I help you?" He asked harshly.

Armin ducked his head and laughed nervously. "Um, no? Sorry. I guess I'm hovering." He turned to the side.

"Kid." Levi bit the inside of his cheek, but the damage was done. Armin turned back to him. Might as well go with it, then. "You're friends with this cook?"

"Yeah. We've known each other forever."

Levi set down his fork and reached for his glass. "Good. Tell him his cutting skills are shit. This sausage isn't even close to uniform, and don't even get me started about the potatoes. Getting special orders doesn't mean he can be sloppy." He took a generous swallow of his drink, watching the waiter's eyes as he processed Levi's remark. Suddenly Armin grinned.

"Sure! I'll tell him. And by the way, after tonight Eren doesn't work again until Friday."

Levi snorted, setting his glass down carefully before picking up his fork again. "Do I look like I care?"

"Yes."

Levi paused. Damn, the kid was good. "That's cute. Now shoo." With a blatantly unprofessional wave, Armin left.

It was Tuesday night. Levi groaned as he bit into another piece of sausage. He'd have to find another source of amusement for two whole days.

................................................................

Wednesday morning was rough. Multiple business deals were closing at the same time, meaning Levi had to talk to far too many people for his taste, not to mention Erwin siccing him on all the stubborn ones meant he had to say the same things over and over again. By lunchtime Levi had so much pent-up bad energy he had to take a walk around the block to cool off. The afternoon, if possible, was worse. All it took was one little prima donna to think she was hot stuff and threads started unravelling. And of course she was one of the airheads who didn't notice all the wreckage they caused. Fortunately, most of that part fell squarely in Erwin's lap, and Levi was happy to let him take it. But Levi's mood has soured far too much in the span of a few short hours.

"Levi." He sat slumped over at his desk, but at the sound of Erwin's voice he raised his head enough to glare at his boss. "Don't give me that look, you should see what's on my list for the next hour." Levi sighed, not bothering to voice his emotions. He'd worked together with Erwin long enough for the other to understand his expressions and body language.

Erwin walked a little farther into Levi's office. "Look. You're worn out. You've done enough for today, go home early."

Levi sat bolt upright. Sure, it was almost four, but still- "You're setting me free? Don't need me? You sure?" Erwin nodded, and Levi immediately stood, grabbing his jacket. "Good. I'm getting out before more shit gets slung."

Erwin didn't bat an eyelash, used to Levi's charming phrasing. "See you tomorrow. Hopefully the Zermusky-Wagner deal will be back on by then." Levi grunted, raising a hand in mock salute before slipping past his boss and heading for freedom.

The minute the front doors of the building shut behind him, Levi took a deep breath. Off early. For the first time in... well, in quite a while. More often lately had been the nights he stayed until eight or nine. What should he do? Cleaning calmed him, but his apartment was as clean as it got and he didn't want to talk to Hange until she had answers for him. He checked his watch again. She got off in an hour. Could he clean her flat before she got back? Probably not. Levi sighed.

He needed stress relief. If he tried to press on like he was, he wouldn't sleep a minute tonight and work tomorrow would be even more hellish. Levi sighed again, resolutely turning and walking down the street. He knew the easiest way to make himself feel better. It was a stupid, shitty cop-out, but it worked. Besides, he hadn't had any lunch. 

The burger joint had a decent spread, but Levi could barely taste it over the clog of grease they called a patty. The hot, smoky air made his eyes sting. His pen flew across the page of his little black notebook.

..................................................................

His cell phone went off before his alarm the next morning. Levi groaned, pulled from a deep, dreamless sleep he'd really needed. Blindly he groped at the nightstand until he found his phone. Eyes still shut, he flipped it open. 

"It's too friggin' early. Someone better be on fire."

A beat.

"Zermusky Studios is."

Well, shit. Welcome to Thursday.

.................................................................

Levi spent the morning in a role he wasn't accustomed to at all. Supporter. Comforter. Their biggest client had taken a huge blow, and they wanted reassurances. 

"How many damn times do I have to say 'we're still keeping the contract' before they believe me?" He yelled in the direction of Erwin's door in between calls.

"Keep doing it!" Erwin yelled back. Levi responded with something he really shouldn't have yelled at his boss, but it made the secretary girl giggle.

Fortunately, partway through the afternoon his personal phone rang instead of his work one. He answered, grateful to be talking to someone who wouldn't expect him to be nice.

"About damn time. I've been going crazy over here."

"Hello, Sunshine!" Hange chirped. "Ready for the lowdown? Sorry I took so long."

Levi rubbed his forehead. "I'd love it, but things are kind of hectic around here. This evening?"

"Sure! Come by my place, and I'll even feed you! Plus, there's this one stain on my slipper I can't figure out for the life of me."

A few hours and far too many phone calls later, Levi fled the office in a state of desperation. If he heard one more apology he'd hit someone. 

Hange's flat was only five minutes by rail, so it wasn't long before he stepped into her flat with a sigh of relief. The gentle aroma of fresh bread smelled like coming home.

"You would not BELIEVE the shit I've gone through today." He slipped out of his jacket, hanging it on the coatrack as Hange nodded sympathetically.

"I saw a bit of it on the news. Some sort of explosion at a studio."

"Not A studio, THE studio. And with two shows next week they hadn't finished filming. Shitstorm. Giant shitstorm." He flopped onto the couch. "I thought I'd finally gotten high enough in the ranks that I wouldn't have to deal with people as much."

Hange clucked her tongue and poured him a glass of juice. "You want something stronger than juice? I've got a sweet red around here somewhere..." He waved her off. 

"I'll be fine. I just need to unwind a little." He drained half the glass in one long gulp. "So. Distract me."

"Ah-ah, not so fast. You know the drill, food first!" The simple pastrami sandwiches usually tasted wonderful to Levi, but tonight he was still so worked up he could barely taste them. Afterward, they moved back to the couch, and Levi started glaring pointedly at Hange until she finally gave in.

Hange reached over to the coffee table and slid a manila file folder onto the table."So then. This kid. You sure know how to pick 'em, Captain." She ignored his glare and pulled out the first page, handing it to him. At the top was a small photo, a school photo from the looks of it. An unruly mop of brown hair, vivid blue-green eyes, and the stubbornest expression Levi had ever seen.

"So. This is Eren Yeager. Graduated Karanes Kulinary Ackademy a year ago. A's in all of his cooking classes, barely scraped C's in everything else. Head of the school was gushing his praises when I called her, apparently he's the next big thing and she's surprised he doesn't have his own cooking show yet. Another person at the school was convinced he'd have gone to Europe to continue studying." Levi snorted. "My thoughts exactly. For now, he works at Zhiganshina as a line cook, unofficially third in line in the kitchen hierarchy."

Levi frowned down at the little photo. "If he's that talented, why hasn't he gotten successful? Why's he working in a tiny little shop like that when he's good enough to be cooking in Europe? He's got to have plenty of awards."

Hange paused. "He's never competed."

Levi set his glass down with an ungraceful thunk. "Say that again?"

She gave him a knowing smile. "He's never competed in so much as a neighborhood bakeoff, from what I can find. And if I can't find it, it doesn't exist."

Levi groped for words. "But... he... what..." Levi'd never heard of him, which should have set off alarms that Eren couldn't have won too many awards, but to have none at all...

Hange reached behind her chair and produced another manila folder. "This is why this took so long. You should love me twice as much for this, you know." Levi made a grab for the folder, but she was too quick for him. "Ah-ah. Anyway. The reason your darling new project has never competed is named Carla." She showed him another photo, this one of the head cook from Zhiganshina. "Carla Yeager."

Levi's stomach dropped. "That harpy's his mother?! Poor kid!"

"Mmhm. Apparently she's quite the piece of work. Anyway, she's put a total embargo on all his cooking not under her eye. Some stupid thing about him not doing it right because it's not like hers. Poor sop's so devoted to his family he's going to med school now."

Again, Levi was struck momentarily speechless. "Med- Med school?!"

Hange handed him the file. "Yep. On his second semester. So you gonna play knight in shining armor and rescue this poor kid or what?"

Levi leaned back, letting his eyes fall closed. "You know I'm out of the business now."

Silence.

"The Captain's just for stress relief, I haven't done anything serious in years."

Silence.

"...Damn."

Hange just laughed. "So whatcha gonna do?"

Levi pushed himself to his feet, gathering the papers and walking toward the door. "I guess tomorrow I'm eating at Zhiganshina's." He smirked over his shoulder at her and walked out.

He could still hear her laughing after the door shut.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi gets stressed. Then he eats. :3

Friday dawned cold and blustery, to Levi's disgust. Thick, dark clouds clogged the sky, pressing down on him. He hurried down the streets, so eager to escape the weather he arrived at work 20 minutes early. It was odd how being inside actually made him feel less claustrophobic. He walked into his office and collapsed into his chair, noticing a new squeak as he did. Levi's eyes flitted across his desk and he saw a new slip of paper on top of his 'to-do' stack. Erwin's familiar bold handwriting stood out sharply.

Levi - See me as soon as you get in.

Levi groaned, hauling himself out of his chair. Trust Erwin to not even let him relax for a minute. He left his jacket draped over his chair and walked next door. Erwin's chair stood empty.

"Petra?" The secretary held up a finger, deep in a phone conversation. Levi waited. A minute later, she hung up and turned to him.

"Erwin's in 301 with two of the producers. Something about a competition coming up?"

"Youth Harvest Smash. Shit, I thought we were done with that?" Levi rubbed his forehead, already dreading the impending headache. 

Petra smiled and tapped a piece of paper on her desk. "Got a letter this morning from Wagner Studio. They think that since Zermusky was so incompetent as to allow their studio to catch on fire, they shouldn't be allowed to be in charge."

Levi couldn't help but chuckle. "Damn vultures. They'll stoop to anything. Alright, alright, I'll help Erwin out." Nodding to Petra, he took off toward the elevator. 

The meeting was just as bad as he had feared. Zermusky had taken thousands of dollars' worth of damages from smoke and water, and they were desperate to keep their contract. Wagner saw an opportunity to poach and went for it viciously. Levi's headache lived up to his expectations by the time Wagner finally gave up. Their representative left in a huff, and the Zermusky representative just about passed out from relief.

Erwin set a fresh cup of water in front of the young man. "My apologies, that was rough." The representative gulped the water gratefully.

"Thank you. Um, I should get going, too." He hastily gathered a few of his papers, but one escaped and slid toward Levi. "Ah! I'm sorry!" Levi picked up the paper and glanced at it. Something clicked in his mind.

"This is the new flier they had made?"

The representative gulped. "Yessir. I, uh, know it's a bold design, but since the competition is aimed toward young adults-"

"Can I take this?" Erwin regarded Levi with one of those too-knowing smiles. Levi watched the flustered representative out of the corner of his eye, plans already forming in his mind.

"S-Sure, we can print off more."

Levi smiled.

...................................................

It was another late night for Levi. The rain-slick streets were dark, lamps lit, by the time Levi finally made his way out. Miracle of miracles, the train was on time, so it was only a few minutes later that Zhiganshina came into sight. Levi took one look and stopped dead.

Friday night.

Oops.

He was hoping for a quiet moment to grill Armin (figuratively), but with the crowd of people clustered around the door, that wasn't going to be possible. Levi sighed and joined the queue.

Fortunately, the majority of the line was one giant group; Levi got to the hostess without much trouble. She was someone he hadn't seen before, a blonde with a strong nose. She wasn't any more verbose than her counterpart, though. The cacophony of voices blended together with the strong aroma of herbs as she led him past full table after full table. Finally she took him to the last table, nestled right next to the kitchen door. "S'all we got. This okay?" 

Levi cleared his throat. "Actually, I was hoping to get Armin's section. Is this...?"

The hostess regarded him coldly. "He's not here tonight. Is. This. Okay." 

Levi opened his mouth. Shut it. That kid... Armin had said Eren didn't work until Friday. Levi had just assumed that meant Armin, too, but there was no reason for him to be here every time Eren was. It was Levi's fault for assuming, he supposed. Levi nodded to the hostess, shrugging his coat off. She left him a menu and took off without another word. Levi sat and slumped back against the surprisingly comfortable chair. Without a helpful go-between, this could get more complicated than he wanted to deal with.

"Yo! Whatcha want to drink?" Levi looked up at the waiter. "My name's Connie! No girl jokes, please!" Connie grinned and ran a hand over his shaved head. 

Levi stared up at him, nonplussed. "Uh." Why the hell did every single person working here look like they were 15? There was no way this kid was old enough to serve alcohol. Levi cleared his throat and moved the menu to the side of the table. “Assam tea. And a special request for Eren.”

“Whaaat?” Connie gaped at him. “You serious? A special request? Dude, we've got lots of stuff on the menu, just pick one! The goulash is really good tonight, how about that?” He made no move to pick up the menu.

Levi cleared his throat. “I don't want what's on the menu.” He crossed his arms and glared up at the waiter. 

The waiter – Connie – crossed his arms, too. “Look. I'm a busy guy. The kitchen's swamped. The tables are full. This isn't the time, okay? Just pick something.”

“Connie?” A brunette ran over to him, waitstaff outfit slightly askew. “Is something wrong?” Connie turned to her, flinging an arm toward Levi.

“This guy wants a special order! The kitchen can't-” The girl cut him off.

“Oh!” She grinned at Levi. “You're THAT one, aren't you?” Levi raised an eyebrow, so she elaborated. “The one that Armin was telling me about.” Relief swept through Levi. Talk about a lucky break.

“Yes.”

The girl pushed at Connie. “I'll take this one. Go on, table 4's ready for their check.” With one last irritated glance backward, the waiter stalked off. The girl turned to Levi. “Sorry about that, sir! My name's Sasha! So, anything specific you're wanting?”

Levi surveyed the busy room. “Will Eren get in trouble for cooking for me?” 

Sasha beamed at him. “Nope! It might take a little longer, but Ma'am Carla's out sick today, and Hannes knows better than to try to stop Eren. So Eren can make you anything! His manicotti is unreal. Oh, and the crust on his bread always comes out SO GOOD! And don't even get me started on his alfredo sauce!” Levi fought down a smile. So Eren's cooking WAS getting noticed... just not on a professional scale.

“I think...Hmm.” A truly evil idea occurred to Levi. “Tell him I'm about to starve to death. I need my food within ten minutes. I don't care what it is.”

Sasha stared at him. “But...”

Levi smirked at her. “Problem?”

To her credit, she didn't say anything else. Instead, she ran past him to the kitchen door. Levi's table was closest to it, so he could hear her as she disappeared from sight. “Eren! Your boyfriend's here! He's kinda....” Her voice trailed off as she got farther away.

Levi checked his watch and settled in to wait. Now, he'd see what kind of chef Eren truly was.

..............................................................

Ten minutes and forty-five seconds later, Sasha set a plate in front of him. Levi glared up at her. “I said within ten minutes.”

Sasha gave him a little bow. “I know. Eren wanted me to tell you you're a terrible person and he cooked everything in less than ten minutes so it should still count.” Levi snorted and waved her off.

On the plate in front of him sat a thick hamburger patty covered in what looked like meatloaf sauce. Next to it an enormous side salad (could it really be called a side?) lay in a giant pile. The presentation definitely left something to be desired, but the food itself looked good. Levi cut a small bite out of the meat patty and tasted it. Thick and rich, the bottom was encrusted with just a little salt, trapping the juices that might have otherwise escaped. The patty itself was juicy and cooked to perfection. The salad wasn't bad either, Levi decided. The greens were fresh, broad, and leafy, and the dressing had a pleasant zing to it. 

Satisfied with his offering, Levi tucked in to his meal. As he ate, he watched the room around him. The room was noisy, but it was a happy sort of noise. People celebrating the end of the work week and the beginning of a few days' freedom. The waitstaff bustled around, leaving a drink here and a check there. He could see the bar from his vantage point, and it seemed to be popular. The barman was a tall blond man whose cheeks were a little red. As Levi watched, waitstaff came up to the barman to ask questions. That would be the second in command, then, Hannes. Which left Eren in charge of the kitchen. 

Levi frowned, chewing meditatively. His whole plan was useless if he couldn't meet Eren, talk to Eren himself. But how? Certainly now wasn't a good time. He'd monopolized enough of the boy's time tonight.

“So? What's Eren's grade?” Sasha had popped up next to him unheard. Levi tilted his head a little.

“Hmm. Gonna have to fail him on this one.” The look on the girl's face was comical.

Sasha sputtered. “Bu-But-But why?” Levi tapped the edge of his plate with his fork.

“This damn salad is NOT supposed to be the main dish. Look at this, it's far too big, it goes right up to the edge of the patty. I got salad dressing and meat sauce mixed together. The whole thing just looks like it was slapped on the plate with no thought at all for presentation. I had a giant smear of tomato across the side of my plate. And this meal isn't balanced, either. Where's my starch? I should have potatoes or pasta or something. Even a piece of bread would help balance this.”

Sasha looked like he'd punched her puppy. “I-I can get you some bread...” It took all his will to keep his face mildly disapproving. She sighed. “Understood, sir. I'll go tell him.” 

“Don't.” Levi looked back down at his plate. He cleared his throat. “Tell him he passed. He cooked it in ten minutes, didn't he? It's a pass.” Shit, he'd lost his touch. So much for his hard-ass reputation.

“Huh?”

Levi glared up at her. “Did I stutter? He passed.” Sasha's face lit up. “But tell him not to get cocky, he BARELY passed.”

She bounced, she actually jumped up and down. “I'll tell him! Thank you, sir!” She ran to the kitchen.

Levi took another bite of salad. What the hell, he thought to himself. The kid deserved a little praise. Getting a bad review in the middle of a rush wasn't fair, and Levi's request hadn't been fair, either. Levi slumped forward onto his elbows. He really was losing his touch.

He sat back upright and took a sip of his tea. Ah, well. At least he got good food.

…................................................................

Levi's Saturday morning began with his mind registering the steady sound of rain. Groaning, Levi rolled over and buried his face in his pillow, trying to stay asleep. A crack of thunder sounded a second later. Levi growled and rolled into a sitting position. The world spun for a moment until his blood pressure caught up with his brain. His bedroom window curtain was open just enough for him to see the dark, dark clouds. Another boom from outside.

It wasn't even eight o'clock, but Levi got up and dressed slowly. Saturday mornings were usually his sleep-in days, but with this level of noise that wasn't going to be possible, so he might as well do something productive.

First he grabbed a banana off his counter and ate it while he watched a few minutes of news. The weatherman gleefully informed him of a whole line of storms due to dump on them for at least a few days. Levi turned off the TV in disgust and started lining up cleaning products. Fine. If today was going to be a stay-in day, he'd put it to good use.

Four hours later, every surface in his flat that could possibly sparkle sparkled. Levi sighed, staring out the window at the heavy clouds and wet streets. It wasn't raining right this minute, but... Levi's stomach rumbled and he weighed his odds. They weren't very good. But it was worth a shot, right? The sooner he could put his plan into motion, the better. He pulled on a sweater and then a jacket and grabbed his umbrella. Just before heading out, he grabbed a certain sheet of paper from his table and folded it, tucking it inside his jacket pocket, next to his little black notebook. Levi's mood lifted a little as his finger brushed the spine of his notebook. If all went well, he wouldn't be using it today.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NEXT CHAPTER THEY MEET I promise. I was hoping to get everything into one chapter, but it was getting wayyyyy too long so y'all will just have to wait.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> THEY MEET. That's really all that matters, right?

Levi loved his umbrella. It was black, and at first glance it looked completely normal. Upon opening, though, the umbrella was twice the size of a normal one. Levi knew he looked ridiculous carrying it, considering he wasn't the biggest himself, but it did its job well, ensuring he made it to Zhiganshina with only his shoes getting wet.

The diner was dark. Levi checked his watch. 11:48. Didn't they open at noon? He walked around to the side of the building, keeping his distance. If he had wasted his trip out here... Two huddled figures ran to the door. Under a bright blue umbrella, Levi caught sight of Armin's distinctive haircut. Armin's eyes caught his, and Levi tipped his head in greeting.

Next to him, facing away from Levi, stood a figure under a hot pink umbrella. Messy brown hair peeked out from under the umbrella as the figure fumbled with the side door. “Shit shit shit shit,” an unfamiliar voice chanted.

Levi bit his lip to keep from laughing. Not exactly the first words he though he'd hear Eren say. Finally, the door opened and Armin and Eren disappeared inside. Levi walked back around to front, content to wait.

Fifteen minutes later, the open sign flickered on and Armin opened the front door with a smile. “Almost didn't recognize you without your suit on, sir!” Levi snorted.

“It's Saturday.”

Armin led him in. “We're running a little late today, but the kitchen should be up in a few minutes. Something to drink?”

Levi sat. “Sure. Something hot, I hate this shitty weather.” Armin laughed and grabbed the coffee pot. He poured Levi a generous cup and stepped back. 

“So? What do you feel like? The Ma'am's out sick, so Eren's in charge today.”

Levi tapped a finger rhythmically against the table edge. “Something lighter. I'm running errands today and I don't want to be weighed down by a heavy gut.”

Armin smoothed the front of his apron. “How about a sandwich? We've got some great ciabatta bread.” Levi nodded, and Armin retreated to the kitchen.

The diner was almost eerily empty. Levi was the only customer in the whole place, and the quiet mood music had shifted to something that sounded like wailing. Levi raised his coffee and took a single sip.

Wrong.

Levi's stomach clenched. Damn, damn, damn. Something was wrong with the coffee. He couldn't drink that. Damn his oversensitive taste buds. He set his cup down carefully, the soft tink sounding loud to him. Having a good sense of taste was a skill he had put to good use over the years, but sometimes it was a pain in the ass. He couldn't, wouldn't force himself to consume food that tasted off to him. Armin was in the corner, folding napkins, but when Levi raised a hand he immediately headed over. “Something wrong?”

Levi cleared his throat. “I've changed my mind. Cranberry juice, please.” Armin's eyebrows drew together, but he took the cup and saucer away and replaced it with the requested cranberry juice. 

Levi's juice suited him just fine, and before long he heard a bell from the kitchen. Armin raced over and brought Levi a plate. 

Fat, glistening slices of turkey curled next to strips of cheese between golden-brown bread. Armin watched curiously as Levi inhaled the aroma of fresh bread. If he had a favorite smell, that would have to be it. There was just something magical about newly-baked bread. Too hungry to delay any longer, Levi took a larger-than-strictly-polite bite of his sandwich and chewed. The turkey positively oozed delicious juice, the cheese was mellow and the spread...

Levi stopped chewing.

Armin was watching his every move, and tensed when Levi stopped. “Sir?”

Levi swallowed thickly. Swallowed again. “I need to speak with Eren. Now.” Armin turned a little red and muttered something about it not being policy. Levi turned the full weight of his glare on the boy. “Now.”

Armin ran to the kitchen.

…........................................................

Eren looked around at the kitchen. Had he forgotten anything? Everything was on, set to fulfill orders the minute he got them. He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. Lunch shifts weren't demanding, so he should be able to handle anything that came in. Marco would be coming in in an hour, but until then the kitchen was his alone.

Eren leaned against the wall, eyeing the door. His mystery admirer was out there. The only guest they had, currently. He could sneak a peek... The guy had kept coming back, despite his terrible little remarks. Obviously Eren was doing well enough to impress him at least a tiny bit, otherwise he wouldn't come back.

Eren licked his lips. He didn't exactly need to stay in the kitchen until they got another order, so... He edged a little closer to the door. He just wanted a face to match to his mind picture. All he knew was it was a crabby guy in a suit, Armin hadn't exactly been forthcoming with details, other than his admirer wasn't someone Eren could afford to tick off. Eren took another step to the door, reached out his hand to the frame, and was nearly knocked off his feet when Armin barreled around the corner. “Agh!”

“Ah! Sorry, Eren!” Armin grabbed the doorframe to keep himself on his feet. “I didn't...”

Eren waved his hand. “My fault, my fault. Does Mr. Grumpy want something else?”

Armin gulped. “Yeah. You.”

A beat. Eren stared at Armin. “Uh...”

Armin turned red. “He-He wants to talk to you, I mean. Now.”

It was Eren's turn to gulp. “Oh. I...” This was good, right? He'd get to see his mystery admirer. Eren's heart pounded as adrenaline flooded his system. “Um. Okay.” He smoothed the front of his apron nervously. “I'll just... go, then.”

He brushed past Armin and rounded the corner into the main area. Table after table sat empty and waiting, but one near him was occupied. The man faced away from Eren, so all Eren could see was thick black hair. Eren's legs walked him forward on autopilot. He took a deep breath and turned to face the sitting man. “Hello! I'm Eren.” Eren put on his best smile as he looked down. The man's sharp eyes looked him up and down once, then he nodded.

“Levi.” The man gestured to the seat across from him. “Take a seat, Eren.”

Eren froze. “Uh. The, um, kitchen needs me,” he stuttered. Levi craned his neck pointedly around the completely deserted room, then turned back to Eren with an eyebrow raised.

“I think you'll survive. Sit.”

Not knowing what else to do, Eren slid into the seat. Levi was just LOOKING at him so intensely Eren squirmed a little. After a minute of silence during which Eren spent most of the time staring at the table, Levi sighed.

“Eren. Emotion has a place in cooking. A dish cooked in anger tastes different from one cooked in sadness. It's one of the things that makes cooking more of an art than a science. A good chef learns to harness what they're feeling, to use it to enhance their food. Have you heard this before?”

“Yeah.”

Levi sat back, one hand running through his hair. “There is one thing, though, that should never be allowed to affect your food. Do you know what that is?”

Eren hadn't felt so unprepared on any of his pop quizzes in school. “Er. Um.” He cleared his throat. “Rot?”

A beat. “Well, I would hope not. But that's not what I'm looking for. The answer is distraction. No matter what else is going on in your life, when you cook, that is all you should be focused on.”

Eren felt like he'd been gutpunched. “I-I wasn't-”

“What type of spread is on this sandwich?” Levi gestured to the sandwich Eren had fixed minutes ago. A single bite had been taken. Eren licked his lips.

“I-It's one of our house mayonnaise blends. It's got some herbs in it and-”

“Eren.” Levi cut him off again. “This doesn't have mayonnaise.” Eren stopped short.

“Uh.” Eren thought back. He'd run to the cold room and gotten.... What had he grabbed? “I... used...”

“Sweet cream sauce. Great on crépes. Doesn't pair well with turkey.” Eren shot upright, nearly upending the table in his haste.

“I-I'm sorry, sir! I'll make you a new one!”

“Wait.” Eren froze. Levi looked away. “Look. I did some research on you. You've got real talent, but you're not... polished. You're rough around the edges.”

Eren scratched his head, dislodging the headband that kept his hair out of his face. “Is that a compliment or an insult?”

Levi snorted. “A little of both. My point is, there's an easy way for you to get that polish. I know it. I suspect you know it. So, Eren Yeager, why don't you compete? What holds you back from getting the polish you need to be one of the greats?”

Heat flooded his face. “Mom says- I mean,” he corrected himself quickly, “I'm not good enough for competition. Plus there's entry fees and registration and stuff.” It wasn't like he'd never looked into it, but taking the first step was... scary. Scarier than his mother on a bad day.

Levi reached into his pocket and pulled out a folded piece of paper. “Here.” Eren took the paper and unfolded it. A flier. For... Levi took a sip of his juice. “The competition's coming up in a few weeks. It's aimed at young adults, budding chefs and all that jazz.”

Eren's eyes flitted back and forth across the brightly colored flier. “I can't.... I can't.” But his heart was pounding again. The thought of being up on stage, showing everyone just what he could do, was incredibly tempting. Damn this Levi for tempting him like this. “Entry fees... I'm a student. Med school's expensive.” But he couldn't bring himself to give the flier back.

Levi choked on another sip his juice. “Med school. Freaking med school.” He shook his head. “Look, kid, maybe I haven't been clear enough. I want you to compete. You need to compete. I'll pay the fees, I'll set everything up. I just need one word from you, and that word's yes.”

Eren stared at Levi. Full sponsorship. Seriously? Liking his cooking was one thing, but... “Do you know how much this costs? It's gonna be televised, too.” Not to mention the fact that his mother would kill him dead.

“Trust me, I know a bit about this sort of thing.” Levi sighed and dug in his pocket again, bringing out a pen and little black notebook, carefully tearing out a single page. A moment later, he handed it to Eren. “That's my number. Don't call me for no reason, but if you need me, don't hesitate to call. If you decide to take me up on my offer, let me know.”

Eren looked down at the page. “Um... thank you.”

Levi's frown lightened. “Thank me by saying yes. In the meantime, though...” Levi nudged the edge of his plate. “I'm going to starve to death while you're dithering about it.”

“Ah! Right!” Eren took the dish and stood. “I'll make you another!”

“Preferably with mayonnaise this time.”

Eren grinned down at Levi. “Maybe I thought you needed sweetening up.”

Levi snorted again. “Good luck with that.” Eren took off back toward the kitchen, tucking both the flier and Levi's number into his apron pocket with one hand as he went.

As he rounded the corner back into the kitchen, it was like someone cut out his legs from under him. Eren sagged against the wall, taking deep, steady breaths. Armin came up to him, frowning.

“Eren, are you okay? Did he say something bad to you?”

Eren shook his head. “I, ah, messed up his sandwich. I'm making him a new one.”

“Oh. I... see?” Eren set the mostly-intact sandwich by the dish sink and went to wash his hands again.

“I grabbed the wrong jar. It's all my fault, and he wasn't too thrilled about it.” He brushed past Armin and fetched a new plate.

“Okay...” His best friend was staring at him like he'd grown a new head.

“What? I made a mistake, I'm fixing it. Why are you looking at me like that?”

After a second, Armin's face relaxed into an easy smile. “You don't normally grin when a customer yells at you.”

Eren reached up a hand to his face and yes, he was smiling fit to break his face in half. “Ah. That's...”

The bell on the front door rang, and Armin had to run for it, sparing Eren for the moment. Eren ran a finger over the paper in his pocket, feeling the slight crinkle. His smile stretched even wider.

It was three weeks until the Youth Harvest Smash.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case it's not obvious, 
> 
> >(..)
> 
> denotes a text. And YAY for quite a bit of Eren view. He's fun to write, I have to admit.
> 
> EDIT: I got a lot of flack for not warning that things get a little angsty toward the end. Conflict drives plot, get in the car we're going shopping.

Eren sighed in relief as he reached out and flipped the light switch in the kitchen. He walked into the dining area and flopped over on the nearest table, giving a giant fake snore. Marco and Sasha laughed.

“Look on the bright side,” Marco said quietly. “At least we close at seven tonight.” Eren moaned at the thought of a longer day. Sasha patted his shoulder, and he slid over so she could sit next to him.

“It gets worse?” Sasha whined.

“Ah, not exactly.” Marco took the opposite side of the table. “Eren's been here since opening.” Sasha gaped at him, then turned to look at Eren's slumped form.

“We really, really need more cooks,” Eren groaned. “She's going to kill me if this keeps up.” Neither of the others had to ask who 'she' was. Carla's iron fist in the kitchen was legendary.

Marco spread his hands in a half shrug. “I'm trying! I'm getting there, but there's just so much to remember...”

“She just needs to lower her standards a bit!” Sasha pouted. “I almost made it. If she hadn't found my cheat sheet, I mean, how am I supposed to remember what everything's called?”

Eren blew a tired raspberry at them. “I don't get how she can turn you two down and then turn around and hire someone like Bert. He's...”

“Quiet?” Marco offered. Eren shook his head.

“Timid. Too timid. Cooking's not exactly a stress-free job. Bert looks like he'd pass out if you so much as look at him, let alone ask him to do something.”

“Yeah, but he's also completely and utterly obedient, unlike a certain other chef.” Sasha's smile took the sting out of her words, and Eren had to admit she had a point. “He's nice enough, but-” She checked her watch. “Ah! We've gotta go! It's 8:21!” She and Marco ran out the door to catch their train. Eren, whose train went the opposite way, waved goodbye tiredly.

The door closed behind them with one last chime, leaving Eren alone in the dark diner with nothing but his thoughts. He pushed himself into a proper sitting position, one hand sliding to his shirt pocket and tracing the edge of the papers. They were still there. It hadn't been a dream or a hallucination or anything. Eren took out the smaller paper and stared at the numbers written neatly on a single line. Should he put it in his phone now? Probably. He'd lose the paper, but his phone was basically glued to him. He pulled out his phone and typed in the number. Save. Name? Eren hesitated. Oh, right. Name. After a moment's blank staring at the screen, he typed in 'Mr. Grumpy'. He could fix it once he knew the guy's real name.

In his hand, his phone buzzed. Eren jumped and swore. He hated it when that happened! It was a text from Sasha.

>So ur bf come 2day?

Eren shook his head. That girl had far too active an imagination.

>Hes not my bf Sasha, I dont even know his name.

He pressed send and hauled himself to his feet. The dark, empty diner was starting to give off a creepy vibe, so it was time to go. Eren grabbed his pink umbrella and stepped out the back door, carefully locking it behind him. On the bright side, it was barely raining. The fine mist that was falling couldn't really be considered rain at all, right? Eren tucked his umbrella under his arm and started walking. He'd barely reached the corner when his phone buzzed again.

>Haha omfg hes ur sugar daddy then wow

Eren stared at his screen for a long moment. That... actually wasn't too far off. He HAD offered to pay Eren's way into the tournament, and what kind of person would do that for a random cook he'd met less than a week ago? REALLY met just today, technically. Eren wet his lips, not sure how to reply.

>S

His phone buzzed again, startling a yelp out of him. Another message? This time it was Mikasa.

>Eren can you pick up some cough drops.

>Mikasa theres this thing called a question mark. You should look it up.

By this time he had gotten to the train station. A quick glance at the board showed he'd gotten there in good time, he still had two minutes until his train came. He sunk down against a wall just as he got another message.

> O btw I saw his name on the cc slip fri. its someth like louie?

Eren choked.

>Sasha theres no way thats his name

Another buzz informed him of Mikasa's reply.

>You're not getting in the house without them, so it's not a question.

He groaned, climbing into the train and gratefully flopping into one of the seats. His feet were killing him.

>Ok ok Ill get them.

This time he just left the phone open, knowing Sasha's reply wouldn't be far behind. Sure enough.

>O whatev mayB Leo? Someth like that. Just call him sugar ddy!

>No Sasha no. He just likes my cooking, k?

Eren leaned against the window, cold glass feeling nice against his burning cheek. He didn't have to wait long.

>I always said sum1 would marry you 4 ur cooking! ;)

>gross dont wink at me, girl.

Her replies were coming faster now. Eren tallied the time in his head and decided she'd gotten home.

>Haha yeah 2 het 4 u. Sugar ddy's totally ur type tho, u like em short and dark.

Eren blinked down at the screen. Mr. Grumpy was short? Come to think of it, Eren had been looking down a little when they were across from each other at the table. That seemed... wrong, somehow. That guy was imposing enough that he should be like six feet tall.

>Hes short?

His cheeks burned as he hit send. Sasha would flip over that message, he knew. She didn't disappoint.

>O IS THAT INTEREST yeah hes at least a cpl inch shorter thn me. Saw when he left. Rlly good tiper, 2. AND a suit. Haha perf sugar ddy, no?

Eren's face felt like it would catch fire. She sure was pushing this. Before he could even think of responding, his phone buzzed again. Armin this time.

>So have you thought about you-know-who any more?

>OMG ARMIN NOT YOU TOO

…..........................

Fifteen minutes later, cough drops in hand, Eren stood on the doorstep of his mother's house. He always thought of it that way, he noticed. Not the family house, not his dad's, but his mother's. In domestic affairs, she was the undisputed master even in his mind. Unfortunately for him, cooking fell into that category.

Eren swallowed hard. How could he approach this? Hey, Mom, that random guy who somehow terrorized you into letting me cook wants me to cook more. On TV. Eren groaned.

His phone buzzed, startling him as he realized he'd been staring at the front door for at least a full minute.

>No cough drops, no entry. Go fetch, Fido.

Eren took a step back and looked at the upper story window. Mikasa's cool gaze hid any emotions a little too well, even he couldn't often read her. Instead he held up the grocery bag in mute appeal. She disappeared. A moment later, the door clicked open. 

“Finally. How long were you just going to stare?”

Eren pushed past her into the house. “I'm tired, okay? Reiner and Bertholt were both busy.”

“Ah.”

He wove his way through the cluttered space, vowing for the millionth time to find a day to clean. Or a year. Eventually he made it to the back of the house, where he knocked on the solid oak door. A deep cough answered him.

“I got cough drops, Mutti,” he called.

“Get in here.” Smiling, he opened the door. Carla sat on the edge of the master bed, sorting through different bits of cloth. He tossed his offering on the bed and sat beside her. “So?”

Eren sighed. “Neither of them could come help. But I managed okay, I guess. It was pretty busy for a Sunday, but Marco helped a bit with the sauces so I never got too far behind.” Sauces and soups were the only thing Marco had learned well enough to do without supervision, in Carla's mind. She grunted and tore into the bag of cough drops. “We're running low on tomatoes, though. And our brie went bad, so I had to...” He trailed off, not meeting her eyes.

“Improvise? You changed a recipe again.” He kept his eyes down.

“I had to! We were out. It was for one of the little casseroles, you could barely tell the difference!”

Carla just looked at him. The silence stretched uncomfortably long as Eren tried to keep from fidgeting. Finally she sighed. “I suppose.” Eren's spirit lifted. A small victory, but a victory nonetheless. She reached out and ruffled his hair. “Your hair gets all weird and crimped under that hairband. You really hate hairnets that much?”

He grinned. “My manly charm is offended by them, Mutti.”

She laughed, but her laugh was interrupted by a harsh cough. “Ahh, Eren. Such a silly boy.” He stood and walked back to the door, elated. Her voice stopped him in the doorway. “One more thing. Did that man come back?”

Eren froze. He really, really didn't want to get into a prickly subject right now. “Uh. What man?” She made an impatient noise. “Oh, that man. Um. I mean, I was in the kitchen so maybe but I didn't-”

“Your ears are red.”

His shoulders slumped. “Yeah. He came back. I made him a sandwich. The turkey and Swiss one.” Fortunately that one was on the menu, so she had nothing to complain about. If he could just get around telling her his little whoopsie...

She grunted. “The whims of the famous, I swear. Well, as long as he left happy I suppose it doesn't matter. He'll get tired of us eventually if he can't find something to complain about.”

Eren tried really, really hard not to react to her words. Famous? Mr. Grumpy was a celebrity? He made a noncommittal sound and left, making his way up to his room.

He dropped his bag on the floor, put his umbrella on the dresser, and flopped down onto the bed. Famous. Of course. That's why he was so finicky. That's why he had money to burn. It made sense. He rolled over and pulled out the flier. Celebrity endorsement, that's what he'd been offered. Eren took a deep breath, setting the flier down on his bed. A tournament for youths, a breakout tournament. It was incredibly tempting, but... He sighed, spirits sinking. He knew himself well enough to know that no matter how hard he argued, eventually his mother would wear him down. It always happened, every single time. In the silence of the room, his phone buzzed. 

>oh oh mayB it was larry! >:D

Eren stared morosely at the text. What did it matter? He'd never be able to take the guy up on his offer. Unless... Eren sat bolt upright.

>Sasha did he look like someone famous to you?

He sent it off and waited, heartbeat picking up a little. If the guy had had enough clout to make his mother back down once, maybe he could do it again. Maybe he could make this work after all. But Eren wasn't going to go into this blind if he could help it. Sasha loved TV, watched it constantly, so if anyone had a shot at recognizing an incognito celeb it was her. 

>Umm not rlly? MayB a short Loki Tom hiddlestn? Y?

Eren slumped back, defeated.

>No reason. Thanks. I should start my homework now, Ive got Ochem tomorrow.

He dug his textbook out of his bag and set it on his desk. Stupid of him to get his hopes up. He couldn't, wouldn't trust some random person that much. In the end, his family was more important. That's how it was supposed to be. Mother is Family. Family is Mother. “die Mutter ist Familie,” he whispered to himself.

>Wow gl study hard

Eren slipped his phone inside his school bag again and flipped through his textbook. The molecule diagrams blurred together under his eyes. He sighed again and bent himself to the task of studying, leaving the flier sitting forgotten and lonely behind him on the bed.

…................................

The worst part about his days with Hange had to be all the talking. She just could. Not. Shut. Up. 

“...and he SAID his article was a masterpiece of literature and I'm like, you can't even spell 'definitely' right dude, take a good look at yourself!” Levi hefted a stack of books out of the bookshelf and ran his rag over the dusty shelf. “But oh, no, it's the end of the world if his article doesn't get in the paper within a week because he promised on his mother's grave...” He let her natter on about her days. He set another stack of books on the floor and peered around the corner at her.

“Am I supposed to be paying attention to you? Or will your verbal diarrhea just go away on its own eventually?”

She cackled and wagged a finger at him. “No peeking! And it's not good to antagonize me before food's ready, slave. I might just decide this is all for me and leave you to find food somewhere else.” Levi made sure she was looking at him before he rolled his eyes. “Besides, this is like the pinnacle of social interaction for you now. You should enjoy it, ya know?”

He went back to cleaning, giving her a loud, drawn-out sigh for effect.

“Unless you've got more social action going on right now. Have you swooped in to rescue the poor boy yet? Erden?”

“Eren.” Levi corrected automatically. Silence. He groaned. She wasn't going to feed him without an answer, was she? “I offered. Ball's in his court now.”

Hange hmmed. “Well, hopefully he takes you up on it soon. You need a little excitement.” Levi heard a quiet sizzle, and his stomach rumbled hopefully.

“I need excitement? Have you HEARD what's gone on in the past week alone? I need a vacation, not a babysitting job.” He breathed in and caught the scent of bacon. “Omelettes?” He replaced the books one by one.

“Nope! Strike one.”

He scoffed. “Regardless. It's Eren's call now. Literally. I gave him my number, told him to call if he was going to take me up on it.” She was slicing something now. Something sort of crunchy? “That's lettuce. BLT.”

A pause. “Ah, you got it. Foo. Well, it's almost done anyway. You about done?” Levi gently wiped off the screen of her computer.

“Good enough. My stomach's trying to communicate with elephants at this point, so I'm calling it good.” Hange laughed.

“Then ring-ding-ding goes the dinner bell, Sunshine. Let's fix you before the elephants answer your call.”

Hange's BLT was one of Levi's favorite things in the known world. Her bacon was sliced in thick slabs completely different from the stringy bits used by most restaurants, and her lettuce was so fresh he'd almost believe she'd just pulled it out of the garden if she didn't live in an apartment. He ate contentedly while she once again proved mastery over multitasking.

“But Mike's all concerned that we're running out of side columns and a certain critic has found something more entertaining than writing articles for us, so he's thinking we need to reorganize and maybe get a few more regular columnists.” Her sandwich seemed to disappear by magic, the words continuing on uninterrupted. “You know any other irritable food critics who would step in for you?”

Levi swallowed. “No. Mostly I haven't talked to my circle in years. Oluo might do it just because, I guess.”

She sighed. “I'll give it a shot.”

Levi shrugged, swallowing a giant bite. “Give it a week, if Eren doesn't come around I'll be back to doing reviews.”

She lowered her eyelids a little. “Mm. Hopefully it doesn't come to that.” After that, she let the comfortable silence stretch unhindered. Levi finished off the sandwich in record time, and stood.

“Hey.”

“Mm?” 

“Thanks. For... you know. Everything.” He walked into the kitchen space and washed off his plate. Then he sighed. “But friend or not, if you do not clean your knives after you use them, I will gut you with a rusty spoon.”

That got a laugh out of her.

…...............................................

Levi woke in the darkness, suddenly and completely. Something had awakened him. He turned his head to the clock. 1:17. He whimpered. On the nightstand, his phone glowed, the display lighting up. It gave an odd chirp that Levi hadn't heard in so long it took him a moment to recognize it. A text? But everyone who had his number knew he didn't text. Everyone except... Levi shot upright, grabbing for his phone and accidentally knocking it off onto the floor. “Shit.”

From: Unknown  
2 Unread Messages

Levi swore again and opened the first message.

>Hey um could you meet me at the diner?

He stared at the screen for a long moment, not quite believing. He flipped to the second message.

>Please. Its important.

Levi glanced at his pillow longingly before groaning to his feet. The first thing he did was save Eren's number in his contacts, listing him under 'brat' out of the perversity of being awakened after midnight. 

Damn kid better be worth it.

>I'll be there in 15.

…..............................

Fourteen minutes later, the diner came into view around the corner. Levi huddled under his umbrella, doing his best to avoid the icy rain that drenched the streets. The streetlamps caught the rain in odd ways this time of night, creating a haloing effect around them. The streets themselves were black with the slick rain that was almost ice. Levi'd slipped twice already, once entering the train station and once stepping off the train itself. No lights were on at the diner. Levi peered around the side of the building, and stopped dead when he saw a figure slumped over by the employee door.

“Kid?”

Eren sat against the door, facing downward, two stuffed duffel bags next to him. As Levi stepped up to him, he slowly lifted his face. Levi's breath caught. Eren's eyes were red-rimmed, and not all the moisture on his face was from the rain. Levi knelt next to him, any anger at Eren forgotten.

“Kid. Hey. You alright?”

Eren's beautiful green-blue eyes were dull as he sniffed a little. “Sh-She found it.”

A vice clamped around Levi's heart. “Found...”

A weak little whimper of a laugh. “The flier. She, oh shit was she mad. I was so stupid. I left it on the bed and left my room. I just... I didn't think. How was I supposed to know she'd come in then?”

Levi felt like he'd been punched in the gut. This was his fault. “I take it she didn't like the idea.” Eren hung his head again, making a choked sound halfway between a chuckle and a sob.

Levi looked at the duffel bags. He wasn't...

“She kicked me out.”

He was.

Eren ran a hand through his wet mop of hair. A hysterical giggle escaped him. “She-She kicked me out. Everything she's asked of me, I've done. Every single damn thing. We've argued. We've shouted. But now...” Eren giggled again. “I didn't even do anything. I was studying. I told her that. But...” Fresh tears welled in his eyes as Levi watched. Eren shook his head. “I'm out. Out of a place to live, probably out of a job, out of luck. She trashed the flier and your number, but I'd already saved it. I thought... well, now I've got nothing to lose. And here I am. Shit. I'm pathetic.”

Levi took a deep breath. “You have anywhere else to go?”

Eren shook his head. “All my friends live on campus. I can't afford that, I couldn't get any scholarships. I might be able to bunk for a night or two, but not this late. They'd get in trouble for sneaking me in.”

“Shit.” Levi took another deep breath. He couldn't really be considering what he was considering. But it was his fault. “Eren. Do...” Levi pressed on. “Do you still want to cook?”

Eren's head lifted to meet his gaze. “...Yes. Shit, yes. Of course I do.”

Levi took another deep breath. “Would you like to come back to my place? I have a comfortable couch.”

Fresh tears streaked down Eren's cheeks. “Yes. Please.”

Levi pushed himself upright, and held out a hand to Eren. Without a split second's hesitation, Eren's hand slipped into his.


	8. Chapter 8

Eren's footsteps dragged by the time they arrived at Levi's place. The kid hadn't said a word since they'd left Zhiganshina, and Levi let the silence stretch unbroken as long as he could. Levi fumbled for his key, nearly dropping the duffle bag he was carrying. What, was Eren carrying his whole collection of bricks? The sound of the key scraping into the lock seemed to energize Eren. He perked up and peered over the top of Levi's head. Levi held the door open for him.

“Come on in.”

Eren started forward automatically, but paused in the doorframe. “Um.” He adjusted the duffle bag on his shoulder. “This is kind of strange and maybe a little gross now that I think about it, but... I don't even know your name.”

Levi blinked. He hadn't told him? Come to think of it, Eren knew almost nothing about Levi at all. “Oh. Well, that's easy enough. It's Levi.”

Eren brightened. “I knew it wasn't Larry!” Levi raised an eyebrow. “Oh. Sasha said your name was something like Larry or Louie. But Levi fits you.”

Levi cleared his throat. “Thanks. You coming in, or you sleeping on my front step?” Eren turned a little red and brushed past Levi. “First things first, why don't you take a shower while I make the couch up for you?”

“Oh, I don't need-”

“Yes, you do.” Levi cut Eren off, shutting the door firmly. “If you go to sleep sopping wet after you've been chilled to the bone, you're going to be miserable tomorrow.” He paused. “Today. Ugh. Just go warm up, okay? Do you need something to sleep in?”

Eren shook his head and dropped the bag he was carrying on the carpet. Levi winced, but Eren didn't notice as he zipped it open and started rummaging through it. “Nah, I'm pretty well packed,” he said in a voice that tried a little too hard to be upbeat. “Ah, there.” He pulled out a few pieces of clothing.

“Left door.” Eren gave him a little smile and went through the door. When the door clicked shut, Levi sagged against the wall.

What the hell was he doing? How could he... no. Now wasn't the time for those thoughts. He had things to do. Levi set the second bag on the corner of the kitchen tile, moving Eren's other bag next to it. Then he went to his closet and dug out a spare set of sheets and blankets. His home was fairly warm during the day, but at night Eren would need plenty of blankets. 

If he'd had any idea Carla would go that far, he would have been more discreet. He should have been more discreet, instead of relying on the discretion of a kid barely out of his teenage years. He sighed, tucking the sheet firmly around the couch cushions. Levi had messed up, and Eren was paying for it. 

Levi finished setting the bed up and was using his small carpet cleaner on the spot Eren's bag had left when he heard the water shut off. A minute later, Eren emerged from the bathroom, rosy-cheeked and dressed in a baggy grey T-shirt and dark green boxers. “Your shower's awesome!”

“Uh huh. Here you go. Now I'm going back to sleep.” Eren wilted a little under Levi's lack of enthusiasm, but Levi was too tired to care. “You can stay here as long as you need, so don't think you've got to wake up at the asscrack of dawn to vacate. Night.”

Eren sat on the made-up couch and gave him a shy little smile. “Thanks... Levi.” Levi nodded and retreated to his bedroom. He could at least catch a few more hours before he had to drag himself to the office.

As soon as his bedroom door shut, Levi stripped off his coat and pants. The first he hung on its peg, the second he dropped on the floor, too tired to maintain his usual level of cleanliness. He carefully avoided looking at the clock as he climbed back into his now-cold bed. His head hit the pillow and he sighed in relief. Minute by minute, each muscle relaxed, eyelids drifting shut. All that was left was to let sleep claim him.

A deep, rumbling snore from the next room.

Levi's eyes snapped open. No. No no nonono.

Another snore. Levi whimpered.

Damn kid REALLY better be worth all this.

…...............................................

A few hours later, Levi's alarm went off. He groaned and slammed the snooze button. Milliseconds later, or so it seemed, his alarm went off again and he had to get up. Levi rolled into a sitting position, wondering why he felt so terrible. His head pounded, his eyes ached, it was like he hadn't gotten a bit of sleep. He stood, and immediately looked down at the pair of pants crumpled on the floor. Why would he do that?! He-oh. The memories came flooding back. Eren was in his living room. Eren who swallowed a chainsaw. Levi sighed and opened his door.

Silence.

Had Eren already left? Levi saw blankets overflowing over the edge of the couch, but with it facing away he couldn't tell if there was anything but blankets there. He silently edged around the corner of the room, and saw Eren's bags still stacked in the corner. He was still here. Levi retreated to his bedroom and grabbed his clothes for the day, then snuck past Eren into the bathroom.

As Levi showered, he thought. There was so much he didn't know. Did Eren want to join the competition? The deadline was tomorrow, though with as much clout as Levi had he probably had a couple more days' leeway. How long would Eren need to stay with him? Thinking back to earlier, Levi realized he'd given Eren blanket permission to stay with him indefinitely. Oops. Levi groaned as he shut off the water. Not a lot he could do about that now. Not a lot he could do about anything, at the moment. He dried himself off and dressed quickly. Back in the living room, he walked around the front of the couch and had to bite his lip to keep from laughing. Eren was almost completely invisible under the mass of covers. The only indication that there was something inside were a few strands of brown hair peeking out the top of the bundle. Heavy, even breaths reassured Levi that Eren hadn't managed to suffocate himself (Sure, NOW he could sleep quietly), so Levi walked into the kitchen. He had a pad of paper he kept there for note writing. Levi took the time to brew himself a cup of tea, delicately blowing on it as his hand flew across the page.

A few minutes later, tea consumed, letter written, Levi picked up his briefcase and left for work. For the first time in years, someone was in his flat without him. Levi's stomach fluttered a little. It was weird. Definitely a weird feeling, but not completely unpleasant.

Now came the part of explaining himself to Erwin.

Levi carefully rehearsed his plan of attack during the train ride over. Erwin always saw too much, but maybe Levi could minimize that. It'd never worked before, but there was a first time for everything, right?

…............................................

Eren woke slowly, sifting up through levels of consciousness gradually. He was warm. It shouldn't have come as a surprise, his room was always warmer than the rest of the house. But his bed seemed to have shrunk. His right elbow hurt dimly, his right wrist hanging in what felt like open space. What happened to his headboard?

Eren rolled over, stretching his arms above his head. A force gripped him and suddenly he was several inches lower than he had been. Gravity. Gravity had put him on the floor. Eren sat up, swimming through a pile of covers, and looked blearily at the couch. Couch? Definitely couch.

A familiar buzz startled him into full wakefulness. The blood drained from his head as he remembered the previous night. Eren stood unsteadily and made his way to his bags, digging for his phone. Had it buzzed while he slept? Usually it would wake him, but usually it was on the bed next to him, so... Eren flipped the phone open and found that it had indeed buzzed while he slept. More than once.

16 unread messages

Eren groaned. Time to face the music. He opened the first message and started scrolling through them.

From: Mikasa  
>Eren where are you?

From: Armin  
>Mikasa told me what happened, you coming to my dorm?

From: Marco  
>I can talk our dorm haed around, you can bunk on m floor if you want. Jean won't complain too much.

From: Mikasa  
>Eren please answer?

From: Armin  
>I can sneak you in, I promise.

From: Marco  
>Pleas eodn't do anything stupid, Eren, just come over here>

From: Jean  
>Hey dude u lying in a ditch sumwere?

From: Jean  
>No srsly, r u?

From: Mikasa  
>I used a question mark and everything, I want an answer on those.

From: Armin  
>Eren I swear jail's not worth it, lay low for a bit if you're not coming over.

From: Jean  
>Try gettg arested, jail's warmer thn the streets.

From: Marco  
>EREN DON't listen to JEAN.

From: Sasha  
>poor bby come over n ill hug u

From: Armin  
Eren please say something, you missed Ochem and that's not like you, I'm getting really worried here.

From: Mikasa  
>Eren Yeager, if I have not heard from you by noon I will call the cops.

From: Armin  
>Mikasa's really really really mad Eren now would be a GOOD TIME to wake up!

The last message was the one that had just arrived. He checked the time. 11:42. Hurriedly he opened a reply to Mikasa.

>Mikasa Im alive dont call the cops k? I just woke up. Give me a minute.

He sent it off before starting a group message.

>Hey everyone, sorry about last night. Im alive and well and not in jail or a ditch so no drastic actions, k? Im laying low.

He sent that one and sat back with a huff. One crisis averted, at least. His phone buzzed.

From: Mikasa  
>EREN FINALLY DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW WORRIED I'VE BEEN

He sighed.

>I know, Im sorry, k? I was sleeping really deeply.

He tossed his phone on the couch so he could void his bladder in peace, and sure enough by the time he got out the display was lit again.

5 new messages

From: Armin  
>Thankyouthankyouthankyou for waking up I didn't know how I was going to stop her where are you?

From: Marco  
>oh good. Did you work something out? Where are you? Didn't see you in class.

From: Jean  
>bummer. I mn good, that's good.

From: Mikasa  
>I'll meet you wherever you are. Where am I going?

From: Armin  
>Um Mikasa's got that devil look again.

Eren stared at his phone, then tossed it down on the couch. What was he supposed to say? “Hey guys, I ended up going home with a guy that I'd only officially met once and I didn't even know his name until I got to his place but nothing really happened”? It sounded stupid even in his head. Speaking of Mr. Grumpy, was he still asleep? Eren stretched and walked to the bedroom door. It was ajar, and when he peeked in he saw the bed was neatly made. Not really surprising, considering how late Eren had slept in. Still, he felt a little prick of disappointment. He would have liked to have thanked Levi face to face. Eren walked into the kitchen and froze. A full sheet of paper lay in the middle of the counter, Eren's name printed neatly at the top.

Eren - 

I'll most likely be at the office when you wake up. Don't feel bad about sleeping in, you looked like shit so I'll let it slide. I've left the key to my front door hanging on the ring by the door. If you go out for anything, lock the door behind you. I should be back around 12:30-1, so make sure you're there then or I'll be standing in the hallway until you get back. Plus we need to talk. Feel free to help yourself to whatever you can find in the kitchen, though I'll warn you I don't have much. There's a twenty tucked under this note if you want to go get breakfast out.

\- Levi

Eren licked his lips, rereading the note three times. One sentence kept jumping out at him. We need to talk. On one hand, that was universal code for trouble. On the other, he really wanted to talk to Levi more. There was a crisp, fresh twenty lying on the counter. His stomach rumbled, setting his course for the moment. Eren glanced at the clock – 12:02 – and hurried to get dressed.

A few minutes later Eren locked the door behind him and turned. A wave of insecurity washed over him as he realized he really didn't know where he was, or where anything nearby was. It had been so dark, and he hadn't focused on anything beyond Levi's feet. If he could just find a coffee shop or something... At that moment, an older lady walked by. Eren seized the opportunity and jogged over to her. “Ex-Excuse me. Um, I was wondering if you could tell me if there's a place nearby I could grab a quick bite to eat. I'm not really familiar with this area...”

She tilted her head, eyes wide behind giant lenses. “Oh dear, there's a little deli right on the corner down there. Aren't you cute.” She glanced behind him. “Ah! Are you a friend of Levi's? So nice to see someone over, he never seems to have company.”

Eren rubbed the back of his head. “Y-Yeah. Thanks.” He waved goodbye and trotted to the deli. He bought the first thing he laid eyes on (a rather nice ham croissant) and trotted back toward Levi's. The last thing he needed was for Levi to think he was unreliable. He reentered the flat at 12:23 and sighed in relief.

He picked up his phone again and saw another message from Mikasa.

>Eren for the love of your master cookbook you CANNOT just go silent now. Where. Are. You?

Fingers tapped on the edge of the couch. What could he say?

>Sorry Mikasa its kinda complicated.

He polished off his breakfast/lunch and glanced at the clock. 12:30 on the dot. His heartrate kicked up a notch. He glanced down at the mess of covers on the floor. Well, maybe he should fix that real quick.

>EREN YEAGER THAT IS NOT AN ANSWER

He sorted out one blanket at a time, folding them and setting them on the floor. When he was a little more than halfway through, he heard a quiet knock on the door, startling him so much he dropped the blanket he was working on. The doorknob turned and Levi poked his head in. 

“Eren?”

“Here!” Eren's voice was an octave higher than it should have been. He cleared his throat and tried again. “Here.” Levi walked in and shut the door, setting his briefcase on the floor. Eren hadn't felt this awkward since he was fourteen, what was he even doing? “Uh. Welcome back?”

Levi paused in the middle of taking of his coat. “Ah. Thanks.” Something about the expression on Levi's face made Eren think that maybe, just maybe this was just as awkward for him. Levi hung up his coat and walked up to the couch, looking at the folded blankets. “You just wake up?”

Eren grabbed another blanket and folded it quickly. “Um. A little bit ago. I went out to that deli and just got back.” Levi made a sound of understanding and lifted another blanket, folding it twice as fast as Eren and somehow still getting it neater than Eren's had been.

“Good, then.” Levi stacked the last blanket and sat in the recliner opposite the couch. “Take a seat.”

Eren swallowed thickly and sat on the couch, perched forward at the very edge of the cushion. “F-First. Thank you.” Levi raised an eyebrow, so Eren elaborated. “For last night. Or this morning, I guess. Sorry I called you out so late.”

Levi shook his head. “I told you not to hesitate to call if you needed me. You needed me. I can deal with sleep deprivation. But... you're welcome.” He leaned forward, interlacing his fingers and resting his chin on them. After a moment he sighed. “I have tried for hours to justify her. I just can't. How... She really just tossed you out in the freezing rain?”

Eren tensed. “I... sort of. Yeah?” Eren's eyes stayed low, on his hands in his lap. 

“She knew you had nowhere to go?” Levi's voice was cold, and Eren realized in a rush that Levi was mad on his behalf.

“Well... not really. I mean, I go and spend the night at the dorms pretty often. She probably just thought that I'd go there again. It's not her fault.” Eren turned red as the words slipped out of his mouth.

Levi's eyes pinned him down, and Eren was caught in them, unable to move. Another long moment passed. Finally, Levi looked away and Eren was set free. “Now. What are your plans from here on out?”

Eren's stomach churned. “I-I don't know. I haven't... I've been trying real hard not to think about it.” Fear and insecurity bubbled up inside him. What was he supposed to do now? What could he do?

“That's understandable.” Levi leaned back and crossed his legs. “Despite what you think, though, you do have options. Option one: Return home and ask for forgiveness.”

Eren was shaking his head before Levi even finished. “Not going to happen.”

“Mmm. Alright. Option two: Coordinate with your friends and sleep in various dorms a couple days at a time.”

Eren grimaced. “Possible. It'd suck, though.” He ran a hand through his messy hair. “Definitely not ideal.”

Levi's face was unreadable as he continued. “Option three: Stay here.” Eren froze. “Stay here and learn from me.” 

“Uh.” He licked his lips. “Really? You'd... you'd do that?”

“I told you last-this morning you could stay here as long as you needed. I'm sticking by that. It's my fault you're in this situation and I intend to take responsibility. Not to mention you'll learn faster the more time you spend with me, and you have a lot to learn if you want to stand a chance at the competition.”

“But...”

Levi stood and walked into the kitchen, getting out a teapot. “Think about it, okay?”

Eren's world spun dizzily as he did as he was told. Stay here. Train. Cook. Compete. Was there a downside to this?

Mikasa would be furious. The rest of them probably wouldn't understand. And his mother... He took a deep breath. No. He didn't need to worry about her.

“I'll do it.” A clunk from the kitchen. Levi had set down the teapot a little faster than necessary.

“You can think about it for longer than a minute, you know. This isn't a decision to make hastily.” Eren's mouth firmed. 

“My decision is made. I will do it. I'll compete.” Levi walked closer and studied Eren's face intently. When he spoke, his voice was soft.

“You're sure you won't regret this?” Eren looked away. 

“I-I won't. I want to do this. I think it's about time I did something for myself.” 

Levi stared at him for another long minute. Finally, he nodded. “Alright. I'll start the process, then.” He walked back into the kitchen and pulled out his cell phone, pressing and holding a single button. “Hange. It's on.”

Even from the couch Eren could hear the ear-piercing squeal that made Levi wince. Levi gingerly switched sides and rubbed the assaulted ear.

“Not exactly as planned, no. It's complicated.” Levi started pacing. “Will you take care of the paperwork? I'm going to work the publicity side. Thanks.” A pause. “No, I'm not. Erwin's going to have to deal without me a lot this week. He's a big boy, he can handle it.” He nodded, which made Eren grin. “Yeah. If we go that way, it's gonna be a fiasco, but causing fuss is something I'm good at. The media's going to flip.” A pause. “I'll deal with it. They'll get tired of talking to me after a while, and I'll coach Eren on how to deal with them. I've got to go. Thanks.” He hung up and caught Eren's eye. “You're officially registered. Congratulations.”

Eren swallowed hard. No backing out now. “Good.” 

Levi tapped the counter, frowning in concentration. “How do you feel about being televised? Interviewed?” Eren shrugged, though his stomach flip-flopped at the thought. “Alright then. There are two ways to do this. One is that we play it low key. I still train you, I still pay your way in, but once the actual tournament begins you're on your own. The other way is for me to openly support you, cheer you on and all that shit, but I'll warn you there will be a LOT of media involved in that.” Eren winced a little at the thought. 

“Because you're a celebrity?” Eren turned a little red as Levi regarded him coolly.

“Something like that. If you don't want to deal with the media, I'll understand.”

Eren weighed his options for a long moment. “I... I want you to be there for me.” He blushed darker.

Levi gave him a little nod and dialed another number. After a long pause, someone picked up. 

“Long time no speak. It's Levi.” A pause. “Have I got a story for you,” Levi purred. The teapot whistled in counterpoint.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know Carla got a lot of flack last chapter, but she's a person just like anyone else and I love her even if no one else does. >:D
> 
> I've been doing very frequent updates for this little bit, but for now I'm going to switch back over to focusing on Cleanest Princess. I'll still be writing this, but progress will be much slower. That and Pokemon X and Y comes out day after tomorrow so I'm going to hide in my cave and play the snot out of it. :3
> 
> Lastly, I received some AMAZING fan art of the last chapter! WhiteYoukai has kindly drawn this (NOT CRAPPY IN ANY WAY SHUT UP YOU AMAZING PERSON) scene:
> 
> http://whiteyoukai.deviantart.com/art/Under-the-Rain-406003989?ga_submit_new=10%253A1381262320


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really, really wanted to work on Cleanest Princess. This is the result. OTL Oh well.

The empty shopping basket dangled awkwardly off Eren's arm as he edged through the crowd. The store he and Levi were in was little more than a farmer's market with a roof, but it was surprisingly busy.

“Where are we starting?” Eren turned and glanced down at the man beside him. Levi had left his jacket at home, but his dress shirt and slacks were still too formal to be in such a place. Oddly enough, the masses of people pushing the two back and forth made Levi seem smaller, less imposing. Maybe it was hard to be imposing when a woman a foot taller than you was reaching over your head. “Come on, kid, make up your mind!”

Eren looked around again, on the edge of panic. “I don't know!” Levi groaned and grabbed him by the elbow, physically dragging him to a corner with a tiny bit more breathing room.

“It's not that hard, stores are all the same.”

“That's not-”

“You're cooking for me. You've done that before.” One eyebrow quirked up as if daring Eren to disagree. “Only difference is nothing's premade. So, what's your plan? What do you need?”

Eren bit his lip, looking at the display of vegetables nearest them. “I... That depends. Are you going to pull something completely unfair like asking me to be done in ten minutes again?”

Levi favored him with a smirk. “Good, you're learning. No, I'm not going to give you a ten-minute time limit again. It would be pretty much impossible since nothing's prepared like it is for your diner. But I don't expect to be waiting forever, either. So, let's say an hour. Plenty of time, yes?”

Eren sidestepped a squalling child and reached out to inspect a bag of onions. “I guess. Anything I should avoid?”

“Very good, two good questions in a row. I am picky about my food, but not in that way. The only things I don't like to consume are some of the... less commonly consumed body parts.” Eren nodded sympathetically. “Other than that, go wild. Nothing's off-limits. Assume I have the tools you need, but none of the food. It's probably true. Oh, and grab enough to make a meal for four, just in case.”

Levi's utter faith in him took Eren by surprise. He turned away, shoulders hunching in a little.

“Hey. What's up?” Levi was sharp, he caught Eren's shift of mood immediately.

“I just...” Eren tilted his head back, closing his eyes and listening to the cacophony of voices around him. “I feel like this is a test, and I'm terrified that if I do something wrong, one step out of bounds, it'll all evaporate under me. It's stupid.” His eyes slid open and he turned to give Levi a wry grin, but was caught off-guard by how intensely the other was watching him.

“It's not stupid. This is a test, it has to be. I have to continually test you and push you. But...” Levi looked away. “Have a little faith in me, alright? I'm not going to toss you out on your ass if you overcook the chicken or something. I'm not THAT mean.” Some of the tension slid out of Eren's shoulders.

“Alright.” He turned to the next display, picking up a shallot and turning it over idly in his hands. “Hmm. If-” The next train of thought caught him off-guard, but Eren stopped himself quickly.

“If?” Not quickly enough.

Eren glanced sidelong at Levi. He still really didn't know how far he could push. It was in his nature to test the boundaries of anyone he was near, but... well, too late now. He gave his best grin, tilting his head. “I was wondering, if I buy enough for a second batch and we end up not using it, do you have pantyhose to store these?” Levi's cheek twitched. A tiny twitch, but it was there. “Because I'd hate for them to be out of their prime by the time you do use them. Pantyhose really is invaluable in that way.” Levi was definitely working hard to keep a straight face.

“Don't worry about unnecessary things. Just pick your ingredients and let's get out of here.”

“Yessir!” Eren replied cheerfully, turning back to the shallots. So, he could push his mysterious benefactor, at least a little. That made his dread for the next few weeks lighten considerably. He mentally reviewed a list of things he'd need, and set off for the next destination.

Eren quickly learned that waiting politely for his turn was not an option. After being bowled over by a little old lady with a swarm of kids not once, not twice, but three times, he finally gave in to his inner demon and elbowed her out of the way to the butcher. After that his gathering went much faster. Eren's nature was a bit competitive, but he never thought he'd be jockeying with five-year-olds for food.

Before long, though, his basket started gaining weight. It creaked and dug into his arm every time he moved. As he slid a bag of mushrooms carefully on top, hoping they wouldn't spill, he heard a snort behind him. “Give me some of those.” Eren turned to see Levi holding out an empty basket. “A broken arm's a bitch to cook with, or so I'm told.”

“I-I can-”

“No, you can't. We're not done, you don't have anything for tomorrow morning.” Eren blanched a little at that.

“I can just have toast or something.”

Levi brandished the basket impatiently, and Eren gave in. “No, you can't. I don't have bread. Or butter. Might have some jam, but no guarantees.”

Eren gaped openly at him. “How...” His mother's kitchen had always been overflowing with food. Every day. Constantly. Things to eat everywhere. There had never in Eren's memory been a time when he couldn't go in there and find something good, even if it wasn't what he was looking for. He'd thought Levi'd been exaggerating to get Eren to eat breakfast out, but to honestly not have food was something else entirely. “How do you even...?”

Levi sighed. “Later, alright? It's cliché, but it really is kind of a long-” A lanky teenager chose that minute to ram into Levi from behind. Levi hissed in pain, turning back to glare at the completely unconcerned passerby. “Come on, Eren, I don't want to spend any longer here.”

“Yessir.”

A short time later, selections made, Eren and Levi joined the line to check out. The total made Eren gasp and stammer an apology, but Levi waved him off and paid it without hesitation. Feeling more than a little guilty regardless of how much money Levi supposedly had, Eren grabbed the bulk of the bags before Levi had a chance.

“You know,” Levi said as they headed back down the street. “I could take a few more of those.” Eren shook his head vigorously.

“At least let me do this much.”

Levi sighed. “Stubborn.”

“Yep.”

They walked in silence for a few minutes, Levi slightly behind Eren. Eren was panting a little from the exertion, but fortunately the bags were durable enough that none of them was in danger of ripping. As Levi's flat came into view, Eren's phone buzzed. He hitched the bags a little higher and walked on.

“You could answer that, you know. It'd give your arms a break.”

“It's a text. And... I know what it says.” His stomach flipflopped when he even thought about explaining this to Mikasa. She was worried, she had to be, but... Eren sighed. “We're almost there, anyway.”

Levi stretched his legs a little to match strides with Eren. “Friend?”

“Sister.”

“Ah, I see.” Levi set down half his bags and dug for his key. A moment later, Eren set down his load on the counter with a groan of relief and stretched. Levi did likewise. “You know you can't put off that conversation much longer.”

Eren rummaged busily for the meat package, head down low. “So... should I start cooking now?” Levi sighed gustily, then glanced at the microwave.

“Still a little early. Why don't-” A shrill ring cut him off. “Hold on.” Eren nodded, and Levi flipped open his phone. “Levi.” A look of annoyance crossed Levi's face as Eren watched avidly. “Yes. Huh? You're what?” Levi's eyes widened. “Shit, wait, back up a minute, Hange. What are you doing?!” His voice rose, squeaking on the last syllable. “No, I most certainly did NOT agree to that! You can't just-” Eren bit his lip to hold back a grin. Someone was throwing Levi off-balance, and Eren was going to enjoy every second of this. “No! Stop, stop, you haven't even met Eren!” Eren jumped a little at his name. Levi's wide eyes caught his. “Just hold on one damn second, alright? Just- I said hold ON!” Levi sighed. “Hey, kid. Are you going to want to just crash tonight? A... An acquaintance of mine wants to meet you, and she thinks we should have a little party to celebrate you joining the competition. It's perfectly alright for you to say no.”

Eren shrugged, smiling. “I'm not one to turn down the opportunity to party.” Levi's look crumbled into one of pure betrayal as a shrill squeal emanated from Levi's phone. “What?” But Levi turned away from him.

“Not NOW, for crying out loud! No, we're busy, and it's not even four o'clock! Look, let us just- You are NOT invited to dinner! I- well, yes, we did get enough, but wait wait no-” Levi pulled the phone away from his ear and glared at it. “Well, shit. She'll be here at five.”

“That was... different.” 

Levi groaned, sifting through the bags on the counter and sorting them. “That was Hange. She's, well, sort of my best friend. Most of the time. I'll apologize in advance for her.” 

“Ah.” Eren grinned. “I have a feeling I'm going to like her.” Levi sighed.

“Yeah, me too. That's what I'm afraid of.” 

An awkward lull settled over them. Levi sorted out all of the perishables and set them to one side.

Eren licked his lips. He had so many questions for Levi he didn't even know where to begin. “So... uh...” His phone buzzed harshly in his pocket. “Shit, not again!” His hand flew down to it, maybe it was Armin and not Mikasa but he didn't want to risk-

“Answer it.” Eren's eyes snapped up to Levi's. 

“What?” 

Levi's eyes narrowed. “You're running away. Literally. Your sister's worried about you, and you can't even bring yourself to look at her messages? Suck it up and show a little maturity.” Eren blanched, heart hammering. Levi's frown looked angrier than he'd ever seen it. Eren swallowed hard and pulled out his phone. 

“Well, what's she got to say?”

Eren pulled up the messages. Four missed. He flipped through them quickly. “She's threatening to call the cops if I don't answer. But she doesn't mean it. I mean... she does this all the time.” Any time Eren did something without her, honestly. 

Levi sighed. “You're acting like a brat. If she cares about you that much, you should at least give her the courtesy of telling her where you're staying.” Eren really couldn't fault his logic, but...

“I can't.” 

“Bullshit. She's your family, isn't she?” Checkmate. Levi might not know it, but Eren certainly did. No getting around it when he put it that way. Levi crossed his arms. “Look. I'm going to go shower. By the time I get out you better have called her.”

Eren's stomach clenched and he clutched his phone convulsively. “And if I don't?”

Levi smirked. “You'll regret it.” Without another word he turned on his heel and walked toward the bathroom. Eren took a deep, shuddering breath. Levi paused in the doorway and turned back. “Oh, and could you put the perishables in the fridge? I can't stand sour milk.” The door shut before Eren could answer. A few seconds later, the sounds of water started.

Eren sighed. No choice. No choice at all. He looked down at the screen. It would be easier to send a text. But... He checked the clock. Mikasa would be just getting out of class now, and on good weather days she walked back home. He ran his free hand through his hair and punched and held a button. It rang twice before a breathless voice answered.

“Eren, oh hell, finally!” 

“Hey, Mikasa.”

“Don't you hey Mikasa me, what the hell is going on? Where ARE you?”

Eren flopped over on the couch. “I... well... you remember that guy from the diner that kept coming back for my cooking?”

“Eren I swear, you can't change the subject-”

“I'm not. I...” Eren slung his free arm over his eyes. “We exchanged numbers before Mutti found that flier and... well... I couldn't go to the dorms, so...”

Silence on the other end. “Eren. Tell me you didn't agree to stay with someone you barely met.”

“Um...”

“Eren Yeager! You did! You are!”

“Well, maybe?”

“Do you have any idea how dangerous that is?! He could be a sicko and you just delivered yourself in a nice little package for him!”

Eren shot up to a sitting position. “Levi's not like that! He's really sticking his neck out for me, he's helping me!”

“You don't know anything about him!”

“I do too!”

“Oh, really? What's his last name?” Eren bit his lip. “What's he do for a living?” Eren shut his eyes and slumped back against the couch.

“Mikasa I don't care about stupid details-”

“You don't know. This is stupid. You don't even know that much and you're in his house. Frick. You're in his house?”

“Yeah, I am. And I haven't committed any crimes, I've still got all my limbs, and my virtue is as intact as it was when I got here so I think I'm an okay judge of character, alright? I'm doing fine here, so you don't have to worry about me.” Eren squeezed his eyes shut. He should have just texted her.

Mikasa's voice was a thin whisper. “Eren... come home.” 

“Ha. Ha.”

“No... seriously, Eren. Come home, please.” Eren's eyes snapped open.

“I got thrown out. You can't override that.” 

“Look, you and Mutti butt heads a lot. You both needed time to cool down. I get that. But... you don't sound like... like you want to come back.”

Eren was silent for a long moment. “I'm... happy here. I don't have to pretend. I'm not held back. I don't have to...”

“Eren. You're just going to leave us?” Mikasa's voice rose higher and it hurt to hear the pain in her voice.

Eren swallowed convulsively. “I can't- Just... Look. I need a break, alright? A vacation. The competition starts in three-ish weeks. At least until then I want to stay here.” The thought of not going back was seductive. Too seductive. Damn Levi for tempting him like this.

Another long moment of silence. “What about school? Armin said you skipped today. He's got notes on the lab for you.” Eren groaned.

“Alright, fine, let's compromise. I'll stay here, but I'll go to class, alright? That enough for you?”

“No. But I'll survive. Are you... are you sure about this? I mean, you're putting a lot of faith into this Levi guy.”

Eren couldn't help but smile. “I'm sure. He's a good guy, despite his best efforts not to look like it. I'll see you at school tomorrow, okay?”

“Mmkay. Bye.”

“Bye.” Eren hung up and collapsed back with a sigh. It felt like a giant weight had fallen off his shoulders.

“Feel better?” Eren shot to his feet, gasping. “Sorry.” Levi stood in the doorway to the bathroom, rubbing his hair with a giant fluffy towel. His chest was bare and he wore baggy black sweats. “Didn't mean to scare you.” 

“H-How long have you been there?” Eren stammered.

Levi smirked. “Long enough to hear I'm a failure at being a bad guy. Good to know.”

Eren blushed, tearing his eyes away from Levi with some difficulty. “Ah... sorry... I just...” 

“Not a problem. Hm. But you did let me down.” 

“Wha-” He followed Levi's gaze over to the bar, still cluttered with groceries. “Ah shit fricking damn, I forgot!”

Levi snorted, draping his towel over his shoulders and walking to the fridge, Eren trailing behind like a puppy. “You got the important thing done, so I'll let it slide. Everything good?”

Eren passed items to Levi, who put them into the fridge. “I guess. She was more than a little upset, but I got her calmed down. So as long as I keep going to school I think she'll be fine with it.” And it was nice for the dread in the pit of his stomach to be gone.

“Ah.” Levi set the last of the items in the fridge and shut the door. He shot Eren a look the chef couldn't decipher, then crossed to the other side of the bar and pulled up a seat. Levi interlaced his hands and set his chin delicately on top of them. “Now.”

Eren swallowed hard.

“Eren Yeager.” Levi purred. “Cook for me.”

Eren was doomed.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> COOKING AND TALKING. That's literally it, that's the chapter.

All of the color drained out of Eren's face. “You-You're going to watch me?” His voice cracked on the last word.

“Um, yeah. You going to freak out over one person? Try hundreds. Thousands, if you include the TV audience.” Maybe it was cruel to state it so bluntly, but Eren had to get over any shyness fast. “I'll stop you if I see anything worth correcting. Other than that, you can pretend I'm not here if it makes it easier.”

Eren licked his lips, eyes flicking between the food products on the counter and Levi's carefully bored face. “I... alright...”

“But before you start that,” Levi gestured to the counter at his elbow. “Phone.” Eren's mouth flew open, then quickly shut. Wordlessly, he pulled the requested item out and set it next to Levi. “Good. Don't worry, I won't touch it if you don't want me to. It's just a distraction.” Eren shrugged, not daring to disagree. He turned to the sink and washed his hands quickly and efficiently, Levi was pleased to note.

Eren dried his hands thoroughly on a dishtowel and clapped his hands together. “Alright. Where do you keep... everything?” Levi had to chuckle at that. He directed Eren back and forth, getting a cutting board and several small bowls. A minute later, Eren set to work slicing potatoes.

Levi watched the chef intensely chop for a long moment. “Hey. If you need to take a shit, do it before you get too into this.”

“Wuh?” Eren narrowly missed cutting his finger. “I-I don't!” His cheeks bloomed bright red.

“Then stop it with the face. Those potatoes didn't murder your puppy, so if you're not constipated stop looking like you are.”

“Uh.”

Sometimes Levi thought the rest of the world needed a translator. Wasn't that clear enough for Eren? Levi sighed, leaning back and stretching his arms. “You're frowning. Harshly. You don't need to grin or anything, but can you frown a little less? We don't want the judges thinking you're contemplating murder while making their food.”

“Oh.” Eren smiled a tiny little smile. “But what if I am?”

“All the more reason not to make the judges think you are.” Eren laughed at that. He turned his attention back to the potatoes after a long, lingering look at Levi. His frown was much less pronounced. Unteachable, Eren was not.

Eren finished chopping the potatoes and put them in a bowl, drizzling a sauce mix over the top. He set the bowl in the refrigerator and shot another glance in Levi's direction. “So...”

Ah, here it came. “You're supposed to be cooking.”

“Yes, but... you said earlier it was a long story and we've got time.”

Levi thought for a moment. “If you're sure it won't distract you...”

Eren's brows furrowed down into that crazy-determined look again. “It won't! I can cook through tornadoes and toddlers!”

Levi sighed, slumping forward onto his elbows. “First, what do you actually know about me? Guesses are fine.”

The mushrooms were next, apparently. Eren took them to the sink and ran water over them. “Well,” he started, “Your name's Levi. You know lots of stuff about food. You work some sort of job that has you wearing a suit. Armin says I need to be really, really careful not to offend you.” Eren's gaze flicked back to him.

“That's the waiter kid you're friends with.” The one who started this whole thing, Levi thought idly. Eren nodded.

“Let's see... You managed to push my mother around, which is no easy thing. You act tough, but you're nicer than you let on.” The water shut off, and Eren brought the mushrooms to the cutting board. “Armin thought you might be a critic, but there's been nothing on us online or in the paper since that first night.” Levi tensed, but Eren was busy cutting the mushrooms in half and didn't notice. “You're some level of famous, but I don't think I've ever seen you on TV or anything. Sasha didn't recognize you, and she knows like 90% of the people on TV by heart. So you're famous, but your face isn't.”

That came a little too close to the mark. “Anything else?”

“Uh... Your best friend pushes you around?” Levi coughed to hide a laugh.

“Just wait till she gets here. She'll be pushing you around, too.”

An easy grin told him that Eren wasn't worried in the least. “That's... about it. So?”

Levi mulled over his options for a long moment. “Hmm. Well, let's start with the knowing about food. In your classes, did any of your teachers talk about supertasters?” Eren grinned.

“Of course?”

Levi tipped his head. “The elite of tasting, more common in women than men. Well, I'm... the next level up. I can taste subtle variations that even most supertasters can't pick up.”

A beat while Eren processed that. “So you're like... a super-duper-taster.” Levi raised an eyebrow.

“Sure, if you're five.” Eren flushed and busied himself getting the shallots out. “Anyway, what that means is I'm extremely sensitive. Too sensitive, honestly. I can tell if milk has just barely started to turn, regardless of its expiration date. I can tell if a chef's hand slipped on the spices or if they measured an ingredient wrong. I can tell if someone's undercooked the chicken. You get the idea.”

“Yeah.”

Levi's eyes tracked Eren's hands as he rinsed off the knife. “Take yesterday for example. Your friend Armin made me a cup of coffee that would have tasted just fine to basically everyone except me. But I couldn't drink it.”

“Couldn't, or wouldn't?”

Levi sighed. “I suppose I COULD eat or drink something that tasted off to me. Much like you COULD eat dog shit. The chances of that happening are pretty slim, though.”

Something sparked in Eren's eyes. “Speaking of slim, that's why you're so skinny, isn't it?”

Caught off-guard, Levi glanced down at himself. He hadn't gotten around to putting a shirt on, didn't really need to in his warm apartment, but... he was skinny. It was true. “Ah. I suppose. It's hard to find places I can reliably eat. You'd be surprised how many sloppy chefs there are out there who think their laziness doesn't matter because no one will be able to tell the difference.”

That damn frown was back. “That's not right! You shouldn't have to starve because other people are lazy.” Levi snorted.

“Tell me about it. Problem is I'm a barely passable chef, since I never studied it. So cooking for myself... mmm, sometimes it works.” Not often, but Eren didn't need to know how much food Levi threw out. The kid looked like the type to gripe about wasted food.

“Huh.” Eren snuck a hand up to wipe his forehead, then moved to resume chopping.

“Freeze.” Levi snapped.

Eren froze. There was something undeniably gratifying about being obeyed without question, Levi thought not for the first time. “Yes?”

“Go wash again. You know you touched your face.” Eren shoulders slumped.

“I barely...” The half-formed argument fizzled out under Levi's stern glare. Like hell he was going to let this kid start getting sloppy.

“Go. Wash.” Eren sighed and obeyed. While he was washing, the phone next to Levi buzzed. “Hey. You got a text from Armin.” Eren made a move toward Levi, then stopped.

“Can, uh, you tell me what it says? You'll make me wash again if I touch my phone, won't you?”

“Damn right I will to the second, and alright to the first.” Levi picked up the phone and navigated to the text without too much difficulty - Eren's phone was much like his. “Says he talked to your sister. He wants to know if-” Levi looked down at the text with great amusement. “Hmm. I think I like this kid.”

“What? What's it say?” Eren craned his neck over, but Levi tilted the phone away from him.

“He wants to know if I've, quote, beaten you into submission yet.”

The chef groaned. “Will you text him back NO and I'm just fine and he'll see that at class tomorrow?” Levi peered down at the keyboard.

“I think I can manage that.”

>Eren's very busy right now. But he'll gladly show off any bruises he's acquired to you tomorrow.

“That's not what you wrote, is it? What did you write?”

Levi gave his best angelic smile. “Keep cooking.”

The look of sheer terror on Eren's face was worth every second of effort Levi had put into him.

…................................................................

This was quite possibly the worst idea Eren Yeager had ever had in his long history of bad ideas. “It did NOT fall off!”

“Yes, it did, I'm sitting right here and I'm not blind-”

“I caught it before it hit! My hands are clean, for the love of crap it hasn't even been cooked yet, any germs will just fry anyway-”

“Like hell you're putting that in your pan. That goes in, I won't eat a bite. I don't care how hot it gets, I'm not going to put up with that-”

“I'm-”

“Here I thought you would trust my teaching, are you going to let me teach you or not?”

Eren clenched the offending shallot in one fist, hammering pulse making it difficult to think. “Fine. Fine. Just... Fine.” He tossed the object at the sink, not caring if it bounced off somewhere. Disgusted, he turned back to the pan waiting hot on the stove and set the chicken in. The first sizzle of hot oil on meat stoked his temper even more. He knew what he was doing, he KNEW cooking, and Levi was only a passable cook by his own admission and Eren had worked damn hard for his degree, thank you very much, and one little-

“Hey!” Eren jerked back to the present to see the pan sputtering and snapping, scattering hot oil around. “Don't space out now, brat!” Eren scrambled to turn the heat down a little.

“Beschissene Pfanne,” he muttered. “es istalles deine Schuld.”

“What was that?” Eren turned to face Levi, blood rising to his cheeks.

“Uh. Nothing. I just... talk to myself sometimes while I cook.” Levi gave him a look of interest.

“That wasn't English.”

Eren sighed. “German. I said it's all the pan's fault for making me mess up.”

Levi stood and walked into the kitchen. Eren tensed, but Levi just reached around him and up into the cabinet for a cup. “Hmm. Well, it's definitely better than swearing in English if something goes wrong.” Levi stretched to get at the top shelf, and Eren really, honestly couldn't help looking.

It wasn't the pan's fault, Eren thought as he wrenched his attention back to the cooking chicken. No, the fault for Eren's distraction lay wholly and completely on the man getting himself water not two feet away, the short, dark mysterious man who was utterly and completely Eren's type and who still hadn't put a shirt on-

The ding of the timer yanked Eren back to the present again. Grunting a few choice German phrases his mother would have yanked his ear for, Eren dumped the rest of the ingredients in the pan and transferred the pan from the stove top to the oven. One dish down, he thought to himself. Next, he got the potatoes back out and transferred them to a clean skillet, careful this time to not let any slide out of the pan.

“Do you always swear at your cooking implements?”

Eren bit the inside of his cheek. “I'm not swearing. I'm encouraging the universe to align in my favor.” He kept his gaze strictly on the potatoes as Levi walked back around to his stool.

“You're-” A beat. “Hmm. Sure sounded like swearing to me.”

Eren laughed, running a hand through his hair and immediately going to the sink to wash. (He had definitely learned his lesson there, Levi would have nothing to worry about now.) “It's German. I could be saying the sky's blue and it would sound like swearing.” The potatoes sizzled quietly, earning them a swirl with the wooden spoon. “I got in trouble more than once when I was a kid for saying something innocent in German.”

“What does 'the sky is blue' sound like?” Levi asked curiously. With his eyes on the food, Eren could concentrate more on the sound of Levi's voice, the way Levi enunciated every syllable clearly as if one slip would be disastrous.

“Der Himmel ist blau.” Eren shot Levi a grin. “See? It's all the language's fault. I'm totally innocent here.”

That earned him a snort. “I highly doubt that. You look like the kind of kid who was born to make trouble.” Eren's grin widened.

“Maybe.” Levi leaned back and stretched, arms tangling over his head. Eren's grin slid off his face as he watched. He could count Levi's ribs. “So, uh, how much cooking am I going to be doing for you? I mean, are we talking like three meals a day for the whole time, or...”

Levi released his breath, resuming his watching position. “I wouldn't want to get in the way of your very important medical school,” he started dryly, “But as often as you'd like. This is your competition, we'll take it on your terms.”

Eren vowed in that moment that regardless of what happened at the competition, he was going to stuff Levi until the other man couldn't move. “Alright. We'll see what happens.”

“Another text.” Levi said without preamble. “Mi...kasa?”

Eren sighed. “Better leave that one be. That's my sister, she might be a little touchy for a while.”

“Ah.”

“No, you know what, I better answer it.” Eren turned off the fire under the potatoes, setting a lid over the top. He took his phone back from Levi and opened the message.

>You forgot your necklace.

Eren swallowed hard, free hand sliding to the collar of his shirt.

>I know. Ill survive.

“There. Now, where was I?” He set the phone down and crossed to the sink again.

“While you're there, pick up the shallot piece.”

Eren groaned and picked up the errant bit. At least he'd gotten it close to the sink, right?

“Another message.”

“Go ahead.” Eren soaped up liberally. His hands were starting to feel raw from all the washing, but he pushed the feeling back. He was going to do a thorough job, no matter what.

“She wants to know if she should bring... it... to school tomorrow.”

Eren dried his hands and resumed stirring the potatoes. “Say, 'That'd be great, thanks.' And thank you.”

“You two in the same classes?”

“I wish,” Eren muttered. “No, she's a year older and I went to KKA so... Anyway. She's a TA for two of my three classes. I tell you what, makes it harder to skip when your sister's looking for you.”

“I'll take your word on that.”

For a long moment, the kitchen was silent other than the quiet sizzling of cooking potatoes. He took a long breath, savoring the scents of fresh food. Scents that reminded him of days spent at his mother's side. Eren's phone buzzed again. “Shall I?” Eren nodded, lost in memories.

The next sound he heard completely destroyed his daydream, shattered it on the floor. Levi laughed. Not a snort, not a chuckle, a real laugh. Eren turned his head so fast his neck creaked in protest. Levi had one had clapped over his mouth, eyes on the screen.

“Um.” Eren started. “Do I dare ask?” It was his phone, he had every right to ask, but that quiet part of his brain was drowned out by his hindbrain shouting at him to respect Levi and not question him at all.

Levi's hand slid off his mouth to reveal an open grin. “Your, ah, sister seems to have noticed you weren't the one texting her.”

“Ah, shit.” Eren set down the wooden spoon carefully. “You used an apostrophe, didn't you? I never do.”

“That would explain it. She's... protective.” Eren crossed to the bar and braced himself on his hands.

“What did she say?” Mikasa was always protective of him, but hopefully-

“Several suggestions for me. I'm not sure most of them are anatomically possible.”

Eren turned bright red and grabbed the phone, reading the text quickly. “Mikaaaasa!” He wailed. He'd told her Levi wasn't dangerous, told her nothing bad was happening, and this was her response? “I'm sorry. She's just... being an older sister. There's no excuse, but...” Eren half sighed and half growled. “I'll talk some sense into her later.”

“It's fine.” Levi was still smiling, and Eren had the sudden urge to snap a quick photo of it. Was it worth the possible punishment? Mmm, maybe not. “It's good that she cares so much about you. Who knows how much trouble she's saved you from.”

“Ugh.” Eren set the phone down. Then he whirled. “Ah, shit, the potatoes!” Stirring furiously, he called over his shoulder, “I'm almost done. You want me to make individual plates or family style?”

“Either is fine. Go with family style for now, we'll work on plating another time.” Like he didn't know what plating was. Levi kept underestimating him, Eren thought bitterly. He lowered the heat on the potatoes and checked the chicken. Perfect. Carefully he transferred the chicken mixture to another dish, covering it to keep the heat in. The bottom of the chicken pan was swimming in wonderful juice, so Eren tossed in some lemon juice to make it into a quick sauce.

“There!” He poured the sauce over the chicken and turned to Levi with a triumphant grin. “I'm done!”

Levi, still seated at the bar, looked supremely unimpressed. “Done?”

“I mean, dishes can be done later, right? So we should eat while it's....” He trailed off as he realized his mistake, cheeks flushing.

“Eat while it's hot. And yet it's 4:43. I believe I told you 5:00.”

“I... yes... you did...”

“Will the flavor improve from sitting out on the counter for fifteen minutes?”

Eren slumped over on the counter, cheek hitting the cool tile. He shut his eyes. “I'm a failure.” Stupid, stupid, stupid. He'd just snapped into restaurant mode out of habit.

“Hmmm, I wonder.” Levi said cryptically.

“What's that supposed to mean?” Eren cracked one eye open to look at Levi. Not that looking at his expression helped a whole lot.

Levi leaned forward and patted Eren's cheek. “There are two things for you to learn from this. One, the timer matters. You need to get as close to it as you can without risking running out of time. This isn't a restaurant where faster is better.”

“And the second?” Eren raised his head to look eye to eye with Levi. Levi smirked, eyes flicking up to the clock.

“That you've got a long way to go to catch up to me, young padawan.”

A furious pounding on the door. Eren shot upright. “Wh-What?”

Levi slid off the bar and walked toward the door. “Oh, look, she's right on time. 4:45 on the dot.”

“HUH?” What the crap was that supposed to mean? Levi'd told Eren 5:00! He'd-

He'd anticipated this.

Well, shit.

Eren sunk against the wall, knees suddenly weak. “Ha...haha...” A long way to go indeed.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dinner and drinking.

Hange was going to break his door down one of these days, Levi thought with fond irritation. He pulled the door open. She stood scarily close to the door, one hand weighed down by what looked like half a dozen plastic bags. Levi had half a second to take this in before Hange threw herself forward, bags clanking loudly.

“EREN SO GOOD TO MEET YOUuuooh, Levi. Hi.”

Levi staggered under her weight. “Get off me you shitty-Ugh! You're soaking wet!” Just when he had almost gotten dry, too. He shoved her off, and she swept into his front room.

“Yeah. Little thing called rain.” She looked around, craning her head back and forth until she spotted Eren slumped against a kitchen cabinet. “Oh hell, you're even cuter in real life!” She blazed into the kitchen, and Levi trailed behind her like a forgotten puppy. Hange set her bags on the bar and walked closer to Eren, holding out one hand. “I'm Hange, Levi's bestie. Nice to meetcha!”

Eren blinked back at her slowly. “Uh.” He slid a little more upright. “I'm... Eren.” Hange's smile lost a magnitude of brightness. Levi ignored them both and transferred the covered food dishes to his small table. 

“You okay? You look a little dazed.” She commented. Face carefully neutral, Levi dug out three sets of silverware.

“Levi... He... He just pulled a completely unfair Jedi mind trick on me!” 

Levi snorted. “It was the complete opposite of unfair. Grab some napkins, would you? Food really is best before it gets cold.”

“But...How did you even do that?” Eren's voice was rising in volume and pitch. “How can you just... You can't DO that! You broke the laws of reality!”

Hange looked back and forth between them and sighed. “Will one of you fill me in?”

Stepping back from the table, Levi vigorously rubbed his towel over his hair again. Dimly he heard Eren's voice.

“-and he just happened to have moved the time back fifteen minutes! What the hell is that?”

He tossed his towel over the edge of the couch. “It wasn't a hard gamble to make. You work in a restaurant, which prioritizes speed. Plus, even if I was wrong, it would just mean Hange got to chatter at you while you finished. Come on, let's eat already.” Levi sat and glared at the two in the kitchen. “Napkins? Food?”

Hange clapped a hand on Eren's shoulder, making him flinch. “Levi's just freakishly good at what he does. You'll get used to it.” She picked up a few napkins and tossed them haphazardly on the table. “And for shame, Levi. At least put a shirt on for dinner.” Eren made a little squeaky sound, so Levi retreated toward his room.

“Fine, but you two better be ready to eat in the next two seconds.” He opened his closet and pulled the first shirt out, shrugging into it and buttoning the middle button only. When he came out, though, Eren and Hange were sifting through the liquor.

“Maybe just something softer for dinner?”

Levi growled, “Hell no.” He jabbed a finger at the bottles. “Those stay there until AFTER the kitchen gets cleaned. Tea, water, or Sprite are your choices for dinner.” He sat down again with a heavy thump. How long were those idiots going to make him wait? All he wanted was hot food, was that too much to ask for?

Eren held his hands up in quick surrender. “Alright, alright!”

“You're such a grouch when you're hungry,” Hange grumbled, pulling a can of Sprite out of the fridge. Eren looked at her in surprise.

“Wait, he's not always like this?” She took the seat at Levi's left, leaving the one on his right open for Eren. 

“Sit. Down.” Finally, finally, Eren sat. Levi immediately uncovered the first dish and started spooning some potatoes onto his plate. The smells had been driving him crazy, he'd been very patient, and he was sure as hell going to eat. These. Potatoes.

“So, give us the spiel. What did you make?” Hange asked Eren kindly as she took the dish from Levi.

“Oh. It's rosemary chicken and stir-fried potatoes. And I got French bread from the store, but I can't claim credit for that.” Levi speared the edge of a chicken breast and transferred it to his plate. They were definitely going to have to work on Eren's descriptions, he thought. Zero for effort on that.

“That's a shame, huh, Levi?” He looked up at the sound of his name, then shoved the chicken plate toward Hange. 

“Why's that?” Eren took the potatoes and gave himself a heaping spoonful. Hange grinned, leaning close to Eren. Knowing what was coming, Levi made a face when the other two weren't looking.

“You see, Levi LOVES freshly made bread,” she stage-whispered. “It's one of his big weaknesses. Maybe his biggest. He just melts for homemade bread.”

The last part went too far. “I do not,” Levi growled as he took a slice of the bakery bread. “I am merely appreciative of the amount of time and effort it takes to make decent bread. That's it.”

“Uh huh. Pull the other one, hon.” 

Eren was looking at him with those big bright eyes. “I can make you bread. I'll need a few more things, I thought it would take too long, but-”

“Let's just eat.” Levi stabbed a potato a little too aggressively. Eren opened his mouth to say something, but wisely chose not to say anything more. Instead he watched avidly as the first bite rose to Levi's mouth. The potatoes were rich and soft with a touch of sweetness. They were also worth every minute of waiting for the damn things to be done.

“Oh, oh Eren, this chicken is amazing!” Hange exclaimed, waving her fork around.

Levi scooped up more potatoes, just to see if the first had been a fluke. Nope, still excellent flavor. Hmm. He'd have to make sure Hange got this recipe. 

“So, uh, do you like it?” Eren was staring at him as Levi delicately cut off a slice of chicken. The top had a beautiful dark crust on it, contrasting starkly with the bright white of the shallots and mushrooms. A gorgeous dish, honestly.

“Don't bother me while I'm eating.” Oops, that came out a little harsher than he intended; Eren seemed to shrink in on himself. Wonderful. Levi took a piece of the chicken. It was roasted just long enough, crisp on the outside and juicy on the inside. The spices were mellow, just enough to add to the flavor without overwhelming it. And the juice... “I'm eating it, aren't I?”

Eren perked up a little at that. He opened his mouth, and at that moment Levi's cell phone rang. “Shit, really?” He dropped his fork and fumbled for his phone, rising and stepping away. “I've got to take this, be right back.” He flipped open his phone and brought it to his ear. “Levi.”

“Hey. How are things over there?” Erwin's deep voice came as no surprise, since he and Hange together made up the vast majority of Levi's calls.

“You have horrible timing. I just sat down to dinner, so hurry up and say what you need to.”

Erwin chuckled. “Oh? So things are going well, then. That's good.”

“So?” Levi asked pointedly. “Couldn't survive half a day without me?”

“I managed. But I forgot to mention that tomorrow's the meeting for the pitches for next year's shows, I could use your opinions. If you're not too busy, of course.” Erwin's voice was completely even, as if he found it the most reasonable thing in the world that Levi was ditching his real job to train a brat to cook. 

Levi groaned, tapping his foot as he thought. Pitch meetings were horribly long, drawn-out affairs, but they didn't happen very often. Erwin would need him. “What time?”

“12:30. Can you make it?”

Levi turned back to the table. “Eren. What's your schedule tomorrow?” The chef coughed and fumbled for his napkin.

“School from eleven to three?” Eren looked like he expected Levi to contradict him.

He sighed and turned away again. “Alright, Erwin, you've got me for the meeting. Now can I go? It's a damn shame to let food like this get cold.”

Erwin, the bastard, laughed at him. “See you tomorrow, Levi. Thank you.” Levi snapped his phone shut without giving a reply. His boss was used to it.

When he turned back around, Hange and Eren were staring at him. Eren's cheeks were puffed out, empty fork still halfway between mouth and plate.

“You do like it!” Eren exclaimed thickly, a tiny fleck of chicken escaping his mouth and falling to the table. Levi shuddered.

“Do NOT talk with your mouth full, that's disgusting.”

Eren swallowed. “Yes, Mother,” he shot back, grinning. Then his eyes dimmed, smile fading. He looked down.

Well, shit. Diversionary tactics time. Levi hurried back to his seat. “So what exactly did you do to these potatoes? Did you really stir-fry them?”

“Levi!” Hange interjected. “Weren't you watching him?”

“I was watching for sloppiness and mistakes, not cooking techniques.” He gestured toward Eren, then tucked in to his meal while Eren talked. Kid had a nice voice to listen to.

“-and it's a really underrated technique. I mean, everyone just associates stir-fried food as Asian, but it can be used for so many other things!”

“Needs some salt.” Eren froze. Levi took another bite of the potatoes, chewed, and swallowed. “Not much, but it would balance better with more salt.” Eren blinked a couple times, then turned to Hange. She nodded.

“They're really good! You just went a little light on the salt, not a huge thing.”

Eren buried his face in his hands and groaned. “Shoot, shoot, shoot. That's another restaurant thing. We always go a little light so customers can add more if they want. Stupid force of habit.”

Hange patted Eren's arm. “Well, it's something to work on. Life would be boring if you were perfect, right?” Eren smiled weakly at her, then turned to Levi. Levi kept his face stone cold until Eren's smile melted into a pout.

“Oh, come on! It's my first try, give me a break!”

Levi's frown increased. “Do I look like the kind of person who gives breaks?”

“beschissener Zwerg.” Eren muttered. Next to him, Hange broke into a violent coughing fit. Eren swiveled in his seat, ears going a little pink. “Ah! You speak German?”

Hange gulped her Sprite. “Y-Yeah. And, uh, now might be a good time to tell you so does Levi.”

“WHAT?”

Levi growled and tossed his napkin down. “Dammit Hange, why do you always have to butt in?” He'd been so careful to keep his reactions under control.

It wasn't only Eren's ears going pink now. “I-I'm sorry! I didn't mean, well, I did mean it, but if I'd known you'd know I wouldn't have said it!”

“Relax, kid. It's not the first time someone's insulted me and it definitely won't be the last. If I had a problem with it I would have said something.” Levi steepled his fingers together. “Personally, though, I think 'shitty shorty' has a better ring in English. If you're going to insult someone, you might as well do it effectively.” Eren groaned and hid his face again.

“Levi, really?” Hange chided, taking more potatoes. “You're supposed to be teaching him cooking, not how to insult people better.”

He shrugged. “Both are useful skills. But I guess you're right, he's not competing in an insult contest.”

Hange chuckled. “Now that's something I'd watch.”

“You should pitch it to Erwin, I bet he'd enjoy it.” 

“Do what?” Eren looked between the two of them, confused. Oh, right, Eren didn't know anything about the technical side. Levi sighed.

“Pitch it. Stand up in front of the bigwigs and talk about it, hoping they'll agree it's a good idea.” He cut off another piece of chicken. “That's where I'll be tomorrow, at a pitch meeting.” The food was starting to cool, but the flavor still ran strong. 

“You're gonna try to get a show?” Eren's voice cracked on the last word. His jaw gaped open, staring at Levi.

Hange snorted. “No, he's going to be on the other side. He's one of those bigwigs, ya know.”

“Eh? EH?” Eren's flabbergasted face was amazingly entertaining. Levi had to bite his cheek to keep a straight face as he coolly met Eren's stare.

“You know Foodie Network?”

“Of course?”

“I'm second in command.” Eren made a sound like a balloon deflating. His jaw hung open even wider, eyes blinking rapidly. Levi resumed eating while Eren tried to wrap his brain around the new information.

“Oh. I... oh.” Hange patted Eren's shoulder sympathetically.

“Come on, let's get started on the dishes and leave Levi to his food.” With a clink and a clatter, she stood and carried her dishes to the sink. Eren swiveled to keep looking at her, but stayed in his seat.

“You're sure eager to clean,” Levi called over the sound of running water. She laughed.

“No booze until dishes are done, right? So the faster we clean, the faster we get wasted.” 

Eren grinned as he turned back to Levi. “You mind if I help?” He gestured back to Hange.

“Why would I mind?”

“Well, you'll be eating alone, so...”

And here Levi'd thought it would be something like him not trusting Eren to clean well enough. By comparison, the kid's concern was sweet. “I usually eat alone. I'll survive.” He muttered, trying not to show how much those few words had affected him.

Eren left, and Levi could focus fully on what was left of his food. Sneakily he took more potatoes when no one was watching. A couple more bites never hurt anyone.

“Holy shit, this is industrial-strength sanitizer!”

“You expected any less?”

Yes, those potatoes were very good.

….....................................

Levi eyed the lineup dubiously. “This... is a lot of liquor.”

“This is for just the three of us?” Eren asked, looking like Christmas had come early. Shit, that's not a good sign. 

“Uh huh! I brought all my favorites and a few new things to try. So what do you like, Eren?”

“Um... everything? I'm not picky.”

Hange shot Levi a sharp glance. “Well, that's a refreshing change.”

“Bite me.” Levi selected a bottle and retreated to the couch. There was nothing interesting on TV, so he just turned on some background noise. The couch sunk as Eren flopped down next to him.

“Hey.” 

“Hey yourself.” Levi looked away, instead watching Hange come closer clutching three bottles and three shot glasses. “What, you couldn't decide?”

“Saving trips. I know what I want, so I might as well save time and labor.” Levi snorted. Hange set the bottles gently down on the floor next to the recliner, the shot glasses on the coffee table, and sat. Leaning back, she tugged out her ponytail and shook out her hair.

Next to Levi, Eren stiffened. “Ah! You're-” His eyes got round. “Waitwaitwait, are you Zoë?”

Hange froze. “Yeeees? Hange Zoë. You know me?”

“Know you? I used to watch your show all the time!” Eren practically vibrated with sudden energy. “Every morning, it played right before I had to leave for high school! 'Titanic appetites and how to feed them' was my morning life for like two years! How did I not notice?” Levi snorted again.

“Wow, Shitty Glasses. You've got a fan.” He turned to Eren, who was lapsing into total fanboy mode. “Come on, she's the same stupid weirdo she was a minute ago, don't look so shocked. You hang out with me, you meet interesting people.”

Hange rubbed the back of her head. “Ah, it was the hair, wasn't it? I'm glad you liked my show!” Grinning, she filled the three shot glasses. “But for now, the focus is on you, Eren!” She lifted the glass closest to her, silly grin spreading across her face. “For your great courage in undergoing trial by fire through live competition, we salute you!”

Levi and Eren lifted their respective glasses.

“To smashing down the competition!” Hange yelled far too loud.

“To... freedom.” Eren said quietly.

“To cooking.” Levi finished simply. “Cheers.” He touched his glass to the others and tossed back the shot. He welcomed the burn as the liquor made its way into him, watching as Eren threw his back like he did it every day. Well, he was a college kid. Levi leaned toward the coffee table and helped himself to the bottle.

“So can I ask you something?” Eren asked. Levi bit back the obvious retort – you just did – and poured his second shot.

“You could ask. But I'm not spilling anything remotely sensitive until I've had far more than one shot. How much of a lightweight do you think I am?”

Hange snorted and wagged a finger at him, other hand reaching for another bottle off the floor. “Come on now, Sunshine, I remember you getting drunk off one glass of wine.”

“I was fourteen!” Levi growled as Eren clamped a hand over his mouth. Hange passed her bottle to Levi, who glanced at it and immediately passed it to Eren. “It was also the first alcohol I'd ever had, alright? Things are different now.” Maybe having Hange over wasn't a good thing – She had no filter for the types of stories she might tell. Too late now, he'd just have to hope Eren got drunk enough not to remember too much. Levi tipped back his second shot, warmth burning a line down his throat. Eren raised his bottle to his lips, then paused.

“So... you two've known each other a long time, then.”

“Nope, that was a month ago. I'm a very mature fifteen-year-old.” Eren inhaled and choked, spraying liquor over the coffee table and thankfully not on Levi.

“Are you okay, Eren? LEVI MUST YOU?” Hange was up and getting a rag before Eren was done coughing. 

“I-I'm fine,” Eren choked out. “Up the nose... burns...” His eyes watered. Hange wiped off the table (barely) and handed Eren a napkin. Levi turned away to hide his grin. Eren was far too entertaining to play with.

“My apologies, Eren. But thank you for not spraying me.” 

Eren took deep breaths and calmed. “No... problem. I guess.” He looked down at his bottle. “Um. Can I try something else? Tasting something with my nose isn't exactly...”

Levi winced, but looked at Hange. “Okay, what's new?” She beamed and almost ran back to the counter.

“A friend just sent me a bottle of scotch! He said it's really good. You want it on rocks?” Levi shrugged and nodded, as did Eren. She brought over a few small glasses and set them on the table.

Eren grinned as he took his. “Cool, haven't tried scotch yet.”

“It's pretty similar to whiskey.” Hange said. “Slightly different process, though, and the Scots take it VERY seriously. It's pretty strong, too, you might want to wait for the ice to melt some.”

He snorted. “I can handle it.” He took a healthy swallow. “Whew, that does have a kick. Good, though.”

Sighing, Levi lifted his own glass. One delicate sip later and he just about spat his own drink. “No. No. No.” He grimaced and pushed himself off the couch, joining Hange in the kitchen and getting a glass of plain water to rinse his mouth.

“Aww. No dice?” Hange asked. Levi shook his head, gasping.

“Tastes like their shitty brewery was in the middle of burning down. Uck.” Hange made her way back to the couch and took Levi's glass.

“So, can I ask where you two learned German? It's not a common language.” The question was addressed to both, but Eren's eyes were on Levi. Levi gave him a slight smile.

“No big secret. Learned it in the army, to keep up with the German rebels. Hange was my commanding officer.” 

“Oh.” It took longer than it should have. Levi counted silently in his head as he returned to the seat next to Eren. Thirteen... fourteen... “Wait, German rebels in WHAT WAR?!”

Levi raised his refilled shot glass in mock salute. “Ahhh, my bad. It was Australia.” Levi's third shot warmed him again, pooling in his belly.

“THEY DON'T SPEAK GERMAN IN AUSTRALIA!”


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Obligatory drunken mischief chapter.
> 
> And a thank you to the two people who corrected my German grammar! Apparently I can't conjugate shit. Literally.

Eren watched out the corner of his eye as Levi's third shot disappeared. This was completely different from going to a bar. All three of them were downing alcohol like nobody's business; Hange was practically chugging from her bottle. The goal was getting drunk and they were accelerating toward that goal fast.

Even with the food, Eren felt the buzz already. He took another swallow of scotch and gasped, shaking his head vigorously. His eyes wandered back to Levi. Maybe it was the booze, but Eren couldn't keep his gaze off his... teacher? Mentor? Sugar daddy? What the hell was Levi to him anyway? 

“So, Eren!” Hange's voice cut through his tangled thoughts.

“Y-Yes!” 

“You excited? To finally compete?” The light reflected off her glasses, and combined with her manic grin it made her look deranged.

Next to him, Levi snorted. “Kid's probably pissing his pants thinking about it.”

“Am not!” The knee-jerk response wasn't great evidence against Levi's name-calling, but he wasn't scared. “Maybe I should be, but I don't really care. I just... I'm happy.” The heat was rising in his cheeks as Levi's full attention turned to him. “I wanted, wanted this. Well, not this specifically,” he gestured to the table of bottles and cups, “but cooking and help and togetherness and-” He cut himself off. “Yeah.”

“That's so sweet!” Hange said. “You're a total softie, aren'tcha?”

He was turning redder, he could feel it. “N-No! I'm not!” 

“You are.” Levi poured himself another shot—just how many was he going to have? Eren opened his mouth to argue and decided it wasn't worth it. Grimacing, he finished off the scotch.

“So uh...” Eren started awkwardly. Levi was holding up his glass, admiring it in the light. “Can I ask how you two met? I mean... you're total opposites.” Eren watched Levi's expression, taking every little shift as Levi turned to face him, head tilted.

“She took me in after I ran away from home.” 

“Oh.”

“I ran away because my parents wouldn't let me swim in the ocean. Not my fault I was born with one leg.” Confused, Eren looked down at Levi's two totally normal feet. “Dammit Eren, this is too easy.” Levi downed his fourth shot. Hange giggled, Eren sighed.

“Come on! Don't I deserve something for putting up with this?”

It really was abnormal the way he focused on Levi. One eyebrow quirked up, and Levi's mouth twitched just a little. He leaned back into the couch, cradling his empty glass. “Fine. I wasn't lying about running away from home, or that that's how I met Hange.”

Silence fell. How was Eren supposed to respond to that? Levi just stared down at his glass, so Eren went to the bar – wow, he was already starting to stumble—and refilled his. The scotch was kinda good once you got past the burn. Hange groaned to her feet, half-full bottle still in her hand. “Gonna take a leak, guys. Be good while I'm gone.” She left.

“Try to get it all in the bowl this time, shitstain.” Levi called in the most normal tone Eren had ever heard. Eren's jaw dropped.

“Make me, asswipe!” Hange called back through the door. 

A shocked giggle escaped Eren. “Best friends or not, how does she-no how do the both of you even...” His words trailed off again. Levi shook his head slowly like he was afraid it would fall off.

“She'll clean up in the morning, so I can forgive her.” He sighed. “Besides... I really do owe her for getting me pointed in the right direction.”

Levi's voice darkened at the end, and it was the most emotion Eren had heard from him yet. “She really took you in?” He came back to the couch and perched on the edge of the seat, turned toward Levi. Watching Levi avidly, he took a long swallow of the scotch.

Levi's eyelids lowered. “Yeah. Stupid little punk that I was. She gave a ragged little kid she barely knew a place to stay while they figured out what they were doing with their life...” He looked up at Eren. “...and I guess now I'm continuing the tradition.”

Heat shot through Eren. Levi was talking about him. “I know I already said it, but thank you.” The half-filled glass made a good thing to fidget with, until he almost tipped it over. Somehow he didn't think the key to getting on Levi's good side lay in dumping alcohol on his furniture. “Really thank you. It, it means a lot to me. I just-”

“Oh hell no.” Eren's eyes shot up to Levi's horrified expression. “You are NOT a sappy drunk. Shit. I don't care how wasted you get, I'm not letting you cry on my shoulder.”

“I'm not!” Eren snapped. “I didn't want you to think I was ungrateful, okay? I'd never come crying to you anyway.” Ah, there was the anger, his old friend. 

“Uh huh, you say that but you to'ly already did that.” Oh shit, he had. Oops. Irritably he drained his glass. 

Wait. Had Eren's ears deceived him? Was that a little slur in Levi's voice? He needed to hear it again to be sure.

“Not gonna happen again, then.”

Levi snorted. “Once was all you needed, wasn't it? Now y're here.” Definitely a slur. Oh ho, so the mysterious mentor was human after all.

“Yep. Now I'm king of your couch.”

Levi glared at him, comfortably slumped back in his seat. “Uh huh. Only thing you're king of is king of the slouch. Keep that arrogance up and y'll be king of the ouch.” 

Eren gave Levi his best winning smile. “Come on now, don't be a grouch.” Levi frowned harder.

“But I am one, and Hange can vouch.” A small smile and a raised eyebrow challenged Eren.

“You...” A long pause. Eren licked his lips. “Uh. Not fair, you took two in a row!”

The bastard laughed at him. “Not m' fault you can't think fast enough. You just lost the game, which means Hange's makin' you a penalty shot.” Eren shuddered, eyeing the bottles still lining the counter. Most of them were perfectly normal, but a few of the labels he'd read...

“No! I didn't-You cheated!”

“All's fair in drinking games, Eren.” Levi's normally stoic face magically melted away with the power of booze; he was grinning at Eren and Eren's heart was beating faster. Because he was dreading Hange's shot. That was the only reason his heart was beating faster and it had nothing at all to do with Levi and shit he couldn't even swear in German any more because Levi knew German. “C'me on, take it with dignity, Eren!”

Eren's face flushed hotter when Levi said his name. He must be drunker than he realized, because he never got this hot this fast. “Dammit, it's too hot in here.” Growling, Eren pulled off his shirt, leaving just his undershirt on for modesty's sake. “Why's it so hot?”

Levi shrugged, completely unconcerned. “I like it hot. Can't handle it?”

“I can take it!” Eren shot back. “I was just curious!”

“'Parently not if you start strippin' in my living room.”

“'S my living room now too! I live here, so I should get a say!”

“What?!” A perfectly timed Hange ran back to her seat, chucking her empty bottle on the floor. “You're living together? Whatwhatwhat no LEVI HOW COULD YOU NOT TELL ME THIS?”

Oh, whoops, they hadn't told her that part yet. “I'm just crashing here for a little bit, it's not, not, you know.” Hange's wide eyes bounced between him and Levi. “Really.” His pulse pounded in his head, he had to be scarlet but he could play it cool. “Definitely not... you know.” Well, that sure told her. An awkward silence fell as Hange just stared at Eren like he'd grown a third head. Second head. Second. Maybe he should go easy on the scotch.

“Oh!” Levi exclaimed. “Eren needs a penalty shot. He lost our rhyme game.” Eren hid his face in his hands.

Hange peered at Eren curiously. “Well... OK, but you get one too, Sunshine.” Levi made an indignant noise. “F'r not telling me you two are shacking up!”

“We're not...” He sighed. “You know what? Whatever. Mis'ry loves company.”

With a squeal of glee, Hange went back to the kitchen. “Penalty shot! Penalty sot-shot!” She corrected quickly, but not quickly enough.

“Ah!”Eren shouted, swiveling around. “You made a mistake!”

Hange jumped at his outburst, spilling a mystery fluid all over the counter. “Did not!”

Levi crawled up onto his knees on the couch, pillowing his head in his arms. “Did too, sitty glasses. You said sot.” Levi shot Eren a conspiratorial look. “So how 'bout we make it a round of 'em?”

Eren grinned at him, head too swimmy to care anymore. “Def'nitely. Penalty for all.”

“One slip of the tongue isn't th' same as not telling your best friend somethin'.” She grumbled, but she dug out another glass. “Fine fine, I was kinda curious anyway what this'll taste like.” A minute later she handed over two glasses filled with a mysterious light tan liquid. “Hold on, let's do it together.” She got her own glass as Eren stared at his.

“'S not a shot glass.” He complained. “'S like three shots!”

Levi and Hange shrugged, contemplating their own. “Close enough,” said Levi.

“Okay!” Hange interjected before Eren could answer. “To Eren!” Eren groaned and shook his head, clinking his glass to theirs. What had he gotten himself into? “THREE! TWO! ONE!”

Taking a deep breath, Eren downed the shot.

…...............................................................................

He couldn't breathe. 

He was drowning in darkness, lungs crushed in the black. His head throbbed in time with his heart as he tried to pull in air that wasn't there.

Levi woke with a gasp. A weight on his chest pinned him down and took his breath. Squinting, he looked down at an unruly tangle of dark brown hair. Eren was lying on top of him. Well, that explained why he couldn't breathe. His headache was real, too. One of his legs dangled off the bed. This was shaping up to be a fantastic morning, wasn't it? 

“Eren,” he rasped. Shit, he sounded horrible. “Eren, get up.” His head hurt so bad and last night's dinner might make a reappearance soon if the weight on his stomach didn't move. “Eren!” The chef groaned. Weakly Levi pushed on Eren with the arm that wasn't trapped beneath him. Not budging an inch.

Wait.

Levi twisted his head to get a better look in a way that made his neck scream. Eren wasn't wearing a shirt. At all. And neither was Levi.

That couldn't be good.

Inhaling as deep as he could, Levi shoved Eren more forcefully. “Wake up!”

A snort. “Ngggh fi mo min...”

“Up!” He broke into a coughing fit as Eren finally, finally, started to move off him. The chef rolled onto his side, freeing Levi. Levi took in deep gasping breaths, ribs protesting, head protesting, body in general just not happy. He pushed himself into a sitting position and rubbed his forehead. His legs were cold. Where had his pants gone? Levi stared down at his dark boxers, trying to think and failing miserably. Oh, no. He'd taken a penalty shot, hadn't he? Quickly he checked his whole body. Nothing was missing (other than most of his clothes), no new tattoos, and no bruises. Levi sighed in relief. He turned to Eren, feeling a little more awake.

Well, shit. Eren was naked. 

Levi turned away, trying hard not to think. Nothing to do about that until Eren woke up. Breathing deeply in an effort to keep his stomach happy, Levi swung his legs over the side of the bed and paused for a minute. This was his bed. How had they gotten in his room? Everything after his penalty shot was black. Shit, his head hurt so bad.

Carefully Levi pushed himself to his feet. His legs were jelly, but that was to be expected. He stumbled to the bedroom door without a second glance back. The living room wasn't too much of a wreck, thankfully. Some discarded clothes and scattered bottles seemed to be the worst of it. He turned his attention to the kitchen.

“Good morning, Sunshine!” Hange's chipper voice was like a sledgehammer to the forehead. Levi groaned. “Oh ho, you look gorgeous.” She bustled around the kitchen, stirring a strange mixture in a pot. Levi inhaled and took in the scent of herbs.

“'S that the good mix?” He staggered to the bar and climbed onto his stool.

“Uh huh! One hangover cure coming up!” Levi sighed in relief, slumping forward to pillow his head on his arms. Soon, he consoled himself. Soon his head would stop hurting. Then he could think again. “So-”

“No.” Levi groaned. “After. Not now.” Whatever she had to say could wait until his head cleared. She chuckled.

“Fine, fine.” Even without looking at her he could hear her smile. An interminable amount of time later, she set a steaming mug in front of him. “Give it a minute, I just took it off the fire.”

Levi stared at the mug. It was one of his dark ones, a deep vivid blue. The handle got lighter on the curve, a little detail that always bothered him. He frowned at it, but that hurt his head so he frowned a little lighter. After an eternity of contemplating shades of blue, he thought that the steam issuing from the mug might have diminished a little. Hange was busying herself making another cup of magic, probably for Eren. Finally, he couldn't take it any longer. He grasped the mug in both hands and took a long swallow. It was still uncomfortably warm, but the warmth slid into his belly and Levi already felt better. He chugged the contents of the mug, grateful that Hange had finally perfected a mix that worked and didn't set off his taste buds. Breaking for breath, he gave her a thumbs up.

“Alright, Eren's is done, too. Was he awake?” Levi shook his head, and quietly savored the fact that the movement only hurt a little. 

“This stuff is amazing. I don't know how I managed before. And no. Not really.” Now that his head was clearer, he could wonder about last night. “Can I ask why I'm in boxers?”

She snorted. “That one's easy. Your adorable new live-in chef dropped a full glass of scotch on you.” In one hand, she held the matching mug to Levi's. The other pointed into the living room. “Shirt and pants are in there still but you're not gonna want to wear them until they're washed. He got you good.”

Levi winced. Well, it was better than what he'd been fearing.

A tired groan pulled his attention to the bedroom doorway. Eren sagged against the frame, looking like death warmed over. “Th' hell happened las' night?” He was still topless, but he'd pulled on a pair of Levi's pants. A dirty pair. Ew.

“Good morning! First, come drink this!” Eren shot Hange a disgusted look that was so painful Levi hid a smile behind his cup. Obedience won out, though, and Eren took the cup. He sipped it gingerly, then with more vigor. 

“'Sgood.” he mumbled.

Hange grinned at him. “My amazing hangover cure! Drink, drink!” He drank. Levi watched silently, following the bob of Eren's Adam's apple as he swallowed again and again. The cup was empty when he broke for breath, gasping.

“That was really good!” Eren looked down at himself. “Oh, uh, I just grabbed some pants but... Are my clothes in here?” His cheeks were a little darker than normal as he looked around. Hange put a comforting hand on his shoulder.

“On the couch, well, your shirts are. Pants... well... they kinda ripped.” Eren walked to the couch, only weaving a little, and reclaimed a shirt. Levi looked away. It was completely against his nature to reuse dirty clothing, but Eren would need a shower anyway, right? A wave of nausea passed over him as Levi realized how much HE needed a shower. That could wait until after the explanation, though.

“Alright, Hange. What the hell happened after that penalty shot?” 

She blinked at him slowly. “You... don't remember?” 

“Tch. Not everyone's got a damn photographic memory like you, freak.” Could she just get to why the clothes had come off already?

An evil grin spread, and Levi feared. “Oh, do I have a story to tell you.”

“Um. Question.” Eren interrupted. He still looked a little dazed, sitting against the back of the couch. He glanced at Levi, then quickly away. “Did... Did I score last night?”

Levi inhaled and choked. “No! No, no, no!” The blush on Eren's cheeks darkened as he fidgeted.

“Okay but I woke up naked in a bed that wasn't mine and I have these VERY SUSPICIOUS bruises in kind of a sensitive area-”

“Bruises?” Levi turned to Hange, who had a hand clapped over her mouth, then back to Eren. “What bruises? Where?”

Eren was so red he was almost steaming. “Uh. They, uh.” He gestured at his inner thighs. “They're kinda... circular... and, well, they look like... They look suspicious.” 

Oh, hell no. Levi had had boxers on, at least. But Eren... shit. “I don't remember. I don't think-I wouldn't have-” He'd like to think his morals were above that, but he couldn't be sure. Liquor was the great leveler, and he'd had more than he should have.

Hange's peal of laughter made both of them jump. “You two! You two! You think you both, hahaha! I should let you think that!”

Levi grasped the strand of hope she'd extended. “That didn't happen? What did?”

Hange placed a finger on her chin. “Weeeeell I wonder. What did happen? Hmmm.” She cackled. “Oh man, I could be so mean to you.”

Levi groaned. “Please don't be a pain.” His voice sounded pitiful to his own ears.

She cackled again but pulled out a chair from the table and sat in it backward. “Okay, okay, so we all took those shots. Eren said it was surprisingly good and you said it was toilet water, but anyway you two were already kinda sloshed so I guess that shot was the final straw.”

“And then?” Eren looked as afraid as Levi felt. Hange looked at him pityingly.

“Well hon, you kinda put your feet on the couch. It all went downhill from there.” Levi pressed both hands into his face so hard spots popped behind his eyelids. Even drunk, there was no way he'd let that slide. 

“Then what?” A sliver of memory came back to him through the murky fog of memory.

…..........

“Just get them off! Izza couch for asses not feet!”

“You're an ass, ass!”

…..........

“Oh, uh, you argued. Loudly. For kind of a long time. It... kinda culminated in Eren telling you to suck his, well, I'm sure you can fill in the blank.” Eren made a sound halfway between a whimper and a sob, and Levi gently beat his head against the bar.

“I didn't take that well.” Levi knew himself well enough that it wasn't a question.

Hange took off her glasses and fished out a cloth to wipe them with. “Could have been worse. You just told him the only things that suck around here are the vacuums.” She tried to fight down a smile and failed miserably. “Eren thought that was a great idea.”

A pause.

“I what?!” Eren squawked.

Her shoulders shook from suppressed laughter. “You thought it was a great idea. Or maybe a challenge. Levi was more than happy to show you where the vacuum was and your clothes came off and then...” She sighed. “It's just a good thing you had bad aim or you'd have woken up in the hospital minus a couple important pieces. But you did manage to get enough suction to bruise, apparently.” Eren looked like he'd swallowed a live fish. "Then you tried to get another glass of scotch and dumped half of it on Levi, so he went to go change. You followed, for whatever reason, and kinda passed out on top of him. Levi couldn't move you, and I... uh. I was busy." 

Busy laughing her ass off, probably. The situation was so absurd Levi felt hysterical laughter welling up inside him. Stubbornly he fought it back. “He seriously tried to get a vacuum to...” The mental image was just too weird. “That's disgusting.”

“Speaking of disgusting,” Eren said in a small voice, “Can I go take a shower?” He was a little green, and Levi's sympathy for the kid rose by several notches. He nodded, gesturing to the bathroom.

Eren pushed himself to his feet with only a little wobble and reached for his bag.

Levi closed his eyes for a second, only to have them snap open at Hange's cheery voice.“You'll need to hurry, though, it's after ten already. Don't you have to be at school at eleven?” Eren jerked upright and swiveled to the clock. 

“Shit! I've gotta go!” Eren rustled in his bag and grabbed clothes, dashing to the bathroom.

Silently Levi swore that he was never going to drink with Eren Yeager again. Ever.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mostly in-between stuff and conversations with other people.
> 
> I LOVE EREN AND ARMIN'S RELATIONSHIP OKAY
> 
> (Also what what - this chapter is on time?)

The problem with showers was that hot water made him think. Levi scrubbed at his hair mechanically, tipping his head back when suds threatened to fall. He thought about last night.

Why the hell had he thought it was a good idea to drink that much?

Okay, he wasn't the most friendly of people. Alcohol fixed that. Sometimes. He'd wanted Eren to be comfortable. That much was understandable, at least. And stopping Hange was damn near impossible, so no drinking wasn't an option. Eren had made sure of that. 

Levi groaned.

It shouldn't have happened.

He was going to pretend it hadn't.

It was the best thing he could do.

A few minutes later, he shut off the water and stepped out. Between Hange's antidote and the hot water, his head was clear. He might be a little grumpier today than normal, but most people wouldn't be able to tell. He slipped on some clean clothes and walked out of the bathroom. The scattered debris was gone. Empty bottles were lined up neatly on the bar next to a few still-filled ones. Hange was on her knees in front of his coffee table, scrubbing. When she saw him, she stopped and smiled thinly.

“Feeling better?” Levi grunted. “Good. Levi...”

The lack of his stupid nickname set him on edge. He grabbed a fresh rag and joined her in cleaning. “What.”

“Look, I know you've taken to Eren. And the kid's got talent. And good looks. And he's a fun person to mess with. And-”

“Will you just say what you want to say?”

She sighed. “Don't sleep with him.”

“That was hardly my fault, the drinks and-”

“I mean sex, Levi.” 

He was silent for a long minute, focusing on cleaning the dark rings left on his table.

“Sunshine, he's got potential. Real potential. It'll be bad enough if the media finds out you're under the same roof, but if you're together it's a thousand times worse.” Frank worry colored her voice, so thick Levi didn't dare look up at her.

“They'll assume we're sleeping together anyway.”

“No, they won't. If he were a girl, yeah, of course, but with things the way they are it's not the same for two guys. The default assumption is straight, and if you two don't give them any ideas they'll stay with it.” She stood and tossed her rag on top of Eren's pile of dirty clothes. “I know you. You don't get interested in people often. If you can just...” She sighed again. “Just be careful, alright?”

He took a deep breath. “It's not me you should worry about. He's not exactly good at hiding things.” Levi had had his suspicions, but Eren's open staring and fixation on him last night went way beyond curiosity.

“I know, I know. I was hoping maybe you could talk to him?”

Levi groaned. “That'll be fun. Hey, Eren, stop staring at me. Stop following me around. Try to pretend I'm a giant pile of shit someone dumped on your foot, ok?” Done cleaning, he rose and walked around the table to the couch and flopped down on it.

“You know what I mean!”

He closed his eyes and tilted his head back. “I do. Thanks. I know you're looking out for me.” His hand moved a little and found something soft beside him. He cracked an eye open and looked down. “Hey. Don't leave your tits on my couch, stupid.”

Hange laughed. “And Sunshine's back. It was just for a minute, they kept slipping while I cleaned the table.”

Levi picked one up and squeezed it. “Hmm. I wonder how horrified Eren would be if he found one of these...” She snatched it away from him, cackling.

“Oh, no no no, these things are expensive! I'm not leaving them here. You've got plenty of other ways to terrify the poor kid.” Lifting her shirt, she slipped the shape into her bra. “Hand me the other one? I look weird lopsided.” He did, and she retreated back into the kitchen with a smile.

…....................................

Eren slid into his seat only a second before the teacher walked in. He breathed a sigh of relief and took quick stock of himself as the teacher set up. His head throbbed, but he'd had worse. His stomach was still unhappy, but that was probably just as much from his missed breakfast as the alcohol. All in all, he'd gotten off surprisingly easy.

“Eren!” Armin scooted closer, blue eyes wide. “Eren, you look like you got ran over by a truck!”

Okay, maybe not that easy. “It's nothing, Armin, I'm fine.” He shook his head vigorously and dug out a fresh sheet of paper to doodle on. “Just had a kinda rough night.” Armin opened his mouth, but at that moment the projector flickered to life and the professor called the class to attention.

Eren spent the first hour of lecture doodling random stick figures and thinking about food he could cook for Levi. He made a list of what he'd seen Levi eat and Levi's reactions to them. Eren frowned and wondered if he could talk to Levi about setting up some sort of food budget; There were a lot of things he'd like to make that he hadn't gotten ingredients for.

“Eren!” Armin whispered. “Here she comes!” Eren straightened up to see Mikasa stomping purposefully up the stairs toward them. The rest of the class was talking quietly amongst themselves. 

“Oops, is it break already?” Mikasa strode right up to him and stopped only inches away. Eren gave her his brightest smile. “Hi, Mikasa!”

She took a deep breath, looking down at him with a little crease between her eyebrows. “Hi? HI?” Brief flickers of emotion passed over her face, too fast for Eren to read. “Eren. You... You...” She groped for words, eyes roving all over him. After a long, silent moment, she sighed. “You look like hell. I guess I should be used to your stupid stunts by now, hm?” Armin nodded in agreement.

“Hey!” Eren started. “I could've been a lot more stupid!”

Armin made a choked sound. “Eren, that's not exactly helping your case. We all know your stupidity knows no bounds.”

“Thanks. So much.” Eren ran a hand through his hair. “Uh, anyway. How are things?” He'd only been gone a day, but for some reason being in class, being with Armin and Mikasa, felt strange. Surreal. 

Her expression was back to stoic. “Fine.” Well, that was helpful. 

“Uh...” Now what? He thought desperately. “Oh! Did you bring it?”

Mikasa's chin jutted out stubbornly, but she fished out something from her pocket and held it up. A bronze key on a simple chain. Eren sighed in relief and reached for it. She pulled it higher, out of his reach. “Ah ah ah. Someone owes me an apology.” His eyes widened in dismay. 

“Oh, Mikasa, it's not-”

“Don't you 'oh Mikasa' me, Eren! Do you have any idea how I felt?” Her voice rose in an uncharacteristic display of anger. “You just left! Left me there! I had no idea where you'd gone, Jean said you were in jail-” Armin smothered a snort. “-and for all I knew he was right! You could have been lying dead in the street for all I knew!” People were starting to look, but Mikasa continued. “You and your stupid pigheadedness could have been dead! And I had no idea because you couldn't even send me a two-word message saying you were okay before passing out in some stranger's house!” A few bystanders murmured at that, and Eren's face got red.

“Mikasa, it wasn't like that, I just-” Her hand came down, and he flinched, but it stopped a few inches above him. His key dangled right in front of his nose; Eren went cross-eyed trying to look at it.

“Mikasa,” she said calmly, “I'm sorry. I will never do that again. I promise to message you every night without fail.” She lifted an eyebrow. “Yes?”

He let out his breath in a rush. “Mikasa, I'm sorry. I won't do it again.” He grabbed the chain, but her hand tightened convulsively on it. Heat bloomed on his cheeks. A check-in like a stupid teenager? No way. “Oh come on, I'm not a kid! I'll be fine!” 

“Every. Night.” She said again. He tugged a little, but the necklace would give out before her grip did. 

“Eren, just do it!” Armin whispered. “It's a little thing!”

Eren was outnumbered and trapped. He growled. “I promise to message you every night, okay? I'll send 'Mikasa you're over-worrying yet again, I still haven't been murdered'. Sound good?” Her hand loosened, and he yanked his necklace from her. Hurriedly he checked it over, but luckily it hadn't been damaged at all. The cool chain felt perfect slipping back over his head, and the familiar weight of the key was another piece of his world falling into place. He sighed. “Mikasa... thanks.”

She gave a little grunt in acknowledgement and fished in her bag again. “You also left your hairband at the restaurant.” He took it gratefully and stowed it away. “Anything else you forgot? Your own head, maybe?”

He grinned, trying to put a little extra reassurance in it and probably making it look stupider. “Nah, I think that's it. Thanks again.”

She nodded. “Eren, look. I don't think-” The teacher walked back in front of the class. “Ah, I've got to go.” She glared fiercely down at him. “We'll talk later.” Then she walked back to the front.

The rest of the class passed in a blur of nonsense words. Eren didn't even try to pay attention. He usually put in an effort to scrape C's, but now... what was the point? Why was he doing this? Latin was useless anyway. Who decided that they couldn't label things sensibly in a language they actually spoke? After yesterday, Eren felt like a completely new person. He knew what he wanted, and it wasn't diagrams of feet. 

The scraping of chairs startled Eren out of his reverie. “Class is over?” He turned to Armin, who gave him a disapproving glare.

“Yes. Were you even paying attention? And we've got a test on Friday, on the parts of the foot.” Armin brushed his hair out of his eyes. “Eren, you can't afford to space out! You're barely surviving in this class anyway.”

Eren stood and slung his bag over his shoulder. “I'll just label everything mega-Taurus, that'll get me something right at least.”

“No it won't because it's metatarsus Eren I swear I'm not responsible if you fail-”

“Yeah, yeah, metal-Taurus.”

“Eren!” Armin whined, shaking his head in disgust. The chef laughed at him as they left the classroom. They walked in comfortable silence for a long minute, winding through the crowds toward their next class.

Eren was lost in daydreams again. What would he make for the competition? He thought back to the ones he'd watched. Would there be a challenge? Maybe a speed challenge. What if they made him cut cucumbers while blindfolded? And then when he chopped his finger off, would they show it on TV? Or would that be too bloody for prime time? 

“Hey, Eren?” Reality rushed back and Eren squeaked, turning toward Armin. Armin raised his eyebrow, grinning. “I forgot to ask. You got any bruises to show me?”

Eren's ears roared as blood rushed to his face. “Ho-How the hell did you know?!” He yelped, startling a couple next to them. “How the hell?” Armin's color rose, too.

“Wait, you do?!” Armin yanked Eren into a side passageway to get them out of the way. “What happened? Did he.. did he hit you?” Blue eyes wide, he looked at Eren's face, neck, and hands, then back up to Eren's face.

“No! Of course not! It's just- No, answer the question!” Eren sputtered.

With another incredulous look, Armin fished out his phone. “I tried to talk to you yesterday and Levi answered.” He flipped through his messages, then turned the phone around.

From: Eren  
>Eren's very busy right now. But he'll gladly show off any bruises he's acquired to you tomorrow.

Eren blinked at the message for a moment, then groaned. “That was at like four, wasn't it? I told him to tell you I was fine and you'd see tomorrow. At that point I didn't have any bruises, I think he was trying to be funny.” Horrible luck that he'd ended up getting real bruises before seeing Armin.

“Ha ha,” Armin said dryly. “Hilarious. So what happened after that?” Eren didn't answer. “Eren? Erennnnn, you're getting red!”

Telling him might just be the single most embarrassing thing Eren would ever do. “Uh. It's probably easier to just show you.” Fortunately the hall they'd gone down was the one with the bathroom, so Eren dragged Armin in there. They were in even more luck, because it was empty.

“Alright, so what happ- Eren why are you taking off your pants OH MY FRICK EREN YOU SLEPT WITH HIM?”

Maybe explaining would have been the better idea after all.

…...........................................

The door to Levi's office had a squeak. When had that started? Dammit, he really needed to bring in a bottle of WD-40. Nothing got done if he didn't do it. First the chair and now the door, it was like the universe was conspiring against him.

Levi flopped down in his chair and took a deep breath. He had about 20 minutes until the meeting started, so he could damn well afford to take a moment for himself.

Someone knocked on his door.

“I'm not in,” Levi groaned. The door opened with a squeak, and Erwin's disgustingly cheerful face entered his line of sight.

“So I see.” Erwin regarded Levi for a long moment. “You look... good.”

“Well then you're blind because I feel like shit.” The hangover was mostly gone, but his head had started hurting again on the train ride over. Then again, his life was one constant headache so it wasn't surprising. “Is it time for us to go?”

“No.” Erwin pulled out Levi's second chair and sat, setting his elbows on the edge of Levi's desk. “I just wanted to talk for a minute.”

Levi glanced at the desk clock. “Congratulations, we just did.”

“Levi.” Erwin shook his head. “About your boy-” Levi made a sound of protest. “-And the competition. You're biased now, so I've got to keep you out of most of the planning. You know that, right?” Levi nodded. “Good. But before that, I wanted to ask you something.”

“Go for it.” 

Erwin leaned back in the chair, stretching. “Well, we're having a bit of trouble nailing down judges. And a few people have brought up your name, well, your title. And we got some... interesting reports.” He ticked them off on his fingers. “Ness says you're dead. Gunter said you accidentally knocked someone up, so you got married. Petra said you moved to India. Mike said you're in Canada and working as a nightclub drag queen.” 

Levi choked. “Mike... what the hell... Why would I ever...”

“So needless to say they gave up. I was curious, though... why so different?”

Levi leaned forward and thunked his head gently on his desk. Thunk. Thunk. Thunk. “I didn't want to tell them the truth, so I thought if I gave them something outlandish they'd get that it was just... Well, except Petra. She and Oluo know the truth. But the others...” He shook his head. “Apparently they're more gullible than I thought.”

“I see...”

Levi looked back up at Erwin, sure there was a red mark forming on his forehead. “Wait, how desperate do you have to be for judges before the list goes down to me? I've been off radar for years!”

“Very.” Erwin sighed. “We have one judge confirmed. One. We need three. Just about everyone else's got something else planned right now, or in a different country, or not interested in judging amateurs.” His tone got bitter toward the end.

“We start in two and a half weeks!”

“I know, I know, we're working on it.” Erwin glanced at his watch. “Anyway, it's time to go now. I was just curious.” 

With a groan, Levi hauled himself to his feet and followed Erwin out. 

…..........................................

Turns out it's really hard to concentrate on phlebotomy when your best friend is having giggle fits next to you.

It should have been easy to pay attention, the teacher was discussing the best ways to stab someone, for crying out loud. But just as Eren would start to really get it, Armin would start giggling again.

“Will you shut up already?” Eren hissed at him.

“Vacuum!” Armin gasped, tears beading at the corners of his eyes.

“One of us has to pay attention, Armin, come on, we need to use these things next week!” But it was no use. The class was only an hour, and Armin spent more than half of it not paying attention. He finally quieted toward the end, only shooting Eren gleeful glances every once in a while.

Eren tried very hard to focus. Drawing blood was something he might actually have to do, not like naming bones. Google was for naming bones. He had to focus. But studying someone else do things just wasn't his style. He needed to be doing things. His leg jiggled, funneling excess energy that needed some sort of outlet.

The teacher demonstrated the most common draw area on Mikasa. Her face remained stoic even as he slid the needle into her. Eren shivered a little. Sticking a needle into someone else seemed so... gross. The teacher assured them it would get better with practice, and informed them that they would in fact be getting practice. Armin gave a little whimper at that, but so did half the class.

Eren had purposely sat in the back row for a good reason. There was a side door at the back of the room that people rarely used. So when the teacher dismissed them for the day, the masses surged forward and Eren slipped out the back. Armin followed him, which was fine, but Mikasa had to wait for every other student to get out of the way first. Congratulating himself on his brilliance, Eren shouldered his bag higher and started walking toward the train station at a brisk pace.

“You're avoiding her.”

He sighed. “Can we just not talk about this? She thinks I'm wrong. I know I'm right. The end.”

Armin had to adopt a weird sort of trot to keep up with him. “Eren, sooner or later you're going to have to face her.” Eren made a grumbly noise and walked a little faster. “H-Hey, wait, okay! Okay! How about... you wanna do a study session tomorrow or Thursday? Maybe I can make some of those names stick.” 

Eren walked up to the station just as the train pulled in. “I dunno, I still don't really know what my schedule's going to be like. I'll text you, okay?” Armin grumbled, but waved him goodbye as Eren got on the train.

Eren leaned his forehead against the window, savoring the coolness. He'd survived school. He was going back to Levi's. Eren tried to panic quietly. What did he do? Did he just walk up and open the door like he lived there? Because he kind of did now. But it might be locked. Or should he knock? Oh, should he pick up something to eat on the way over? Maybe he should text Levi. Eren pulled out his phone and opened it, then shut it, then opened it again. No. He'd just... not worry about it. If he cooked tonight, he'd just go out and get things later. The market wasn't very far from Levi's anyway. His stomach grumbled, but Eren ignored it.

The bing-bong of the train startled him out of his thoughts again. Was this the right stop? Maybe. Yes. Eren scooted off the seat and out the door before it shut again. Walking out of the station, he recognized a nearby building and took off at a trot. A moment later, he stood in front of a familiar door. Levi's door.

Eren licked his lips, then knocked timidly on the door.


End file.
